Thursday, August 20, 2009

Journey...

"Any day now"...that's what I've been told. Had my last Doctor's appointment today. Baby has dropped, I am measuring smaller, even dropped a couple of pounds. I am 3cm dilated and 80% effaced. My Doctor says my "cervix is perfect and can't get any more ready...now I just need to contract." Any day now brings much anticipated excitement and has forced me to reflect on the past ten months ...What a journey it has been.

On December 21st we found out we were expecting. What a gift and blessing this was. After having a miscarriage in November, this news was met with so much joy and thankfulness to a loving and merciful God, the ultimate Giver of Life.

And thus...our journey began to bloom.


Looking back at these photos now, I feel like I hardly even look pregnant. At the time, my tiny baby bump looked so obvious to me.
Many shared moments of joy
The day we found out we were having a girl is a day I will never forget. I was truly shocked. I was so certain we were having a boy and had even written a little poem about "his" announcement (weeks before my ultrasound). The night before the ultrasound I decided I should write a backup poem in case we were having a girl...I'm glad I did; it's the little poem I posted when we announced the news back in April.
With every passing minute, my excitement grew as the news of a baby girl settled into my mind, capturing my heart.
Days and months passed...
with dreams and wonderment of you beginning to unfold.

And so the baby bump continued to grow. I never took so many photos while pregnant with Brayden or Brooke. I did, however, have professional belly shots taken with them both- but not this time around. Perhaps a tinge of guilt that I didn't do this for baby 3 is what sparked these chronicled monthly and weekly candid shots.
Or perhaps it's because I know this will be our last and there is part of me that wants to savor these moments, holding onto these treasured memories.
Aside from the obvious physical journey that has taken place, there has also been a journey of our hearts.
We've been shown things we need to let go of,
and reminded of things in life we should hold onto.
Our perspectives have been challenged,
sacrifices made,
paths chosen that have been filled with uncertainty.
We've had to carefully listen to God's voice, even in times when He felt distant and we were straining to hear Him.
And it has been a journey on our marriage- which has grown stronger through life's challenges and circumstances...as we continue to learn to walk in dependence and trust.
At times it has felt like we were riding a wave...coasting on the top in joy and peace. While other times it felt we were drowning below in fear and uncertainty.
All the while we are still learning. I'm still clay that's being molded and shaped- trying to get through this life and become the woman God intended for me to be.
By definition, journey is just "traveling from one place to another."

These past 10 months have been miraculous and challenging.
Filled with joy, and at times tinged in pain and all that this life brings...
but beautiful just the same.
And any day now, another journey will begin as the dynamics of our family change and we welcome our new daughter into this world. What a thrilling privilege this will be.
Life is uncertain. We'll still have our struggles and pieces of our journey that we'd rather fast-forward through...But it'll be a journey worth taking, worth living, and one that'll teach us to keep our eyes on the Lord...the One and only thing that remains certain...the One who carries us through this life and each journey we encounter.

Thank you Father for these last precious 10 months, for this journey.
Any day now...

3 comments:

  1. breathtaking...your words, your story, your journey...the last photo! It has been an honor to walk this journey with you this pregnancy.

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  2. I am so honored to be your friend. I love that you have shared so deeply adn been so transparant through all of these changes in your life. At times it has been painful to witness the pain in your words, eyes and heart, but knowing that your heart is truly after HIS heart makes it a joy to behold all the same. I LOVE you SuperModel and cannot wait to meet the newest Baby B ... I winder if she knows how very much she is loved already.

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  3. Amanda, you are such an amazingly beautiful woman, inside and out. I feel so blessed to be able to witness this journey with you through your beautiful words and pictures. I am praying for a wonderful, safe delivery and healthy baby. I can't wait to hear when she arrives. I thank you for sharing your journey...much of which I can relate to. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

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