Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Enlightened by the LIGHT

So, of course I can't sleep. I have all of these things rattling in my brain and stirring in my heart...and until I write them out and put words to my feelings, I will lay in bed tossing and turning. Behold the cathartic beauty of online diary or journal to document and process the mind and the heart. Release. Clarity. Peace.

In general, I am (not proudly) the type of person that is just one step away from being consumed and swallowed by worldliness and all that it offers. I need to completely submerse myself in God~ in His Word, in prayer, in worship and music. I need all of these elements.

And when I don't, when I am lacking in one of these departments, my heart grows a bit numb, becomes a bit hardened, dull around the edges in the ways I sense and feel things...and I don't like it.

I function best when my heart is stripped, raw, and vulnerable.
"Create in me a pure heart, O God, renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10

Lately, while I've felt content for the most part "being me".. .and my overall self-esteem isn't really lacking or an issue, I haven't been content spiritually. In fact, I've felt a bit ugly on the inside. Distant.

I'm thankful to the Kirk's for referring us to Steve DeNeff's Podcast on Inklings. I have been wanting to listen to it for some time, and finally got around to it this evening and I must say God's timing is perfect. This could be another post in itself. I especially bent my ear and tuned my heart to receive what he had to say about loving OTHERS for the sake of GOD...reminding me that when we love God, we love what belongs to God...and people belong to Him and reflect a part of His image. Hmmm...

There was one other thing he said that stood out fiercely in my mind...
"Throw Christ onto a busy life and things just fall out of place."

I have been doing this. And I have been reaping the results. I think that is where the inner ugliness resides.

So, I have been pondering many things over the late. Words, thoughts and truths written and spoken which have caused a stirring in my heart...And it would be easy to feel discouraged with where one is at spiritually...wanting and desiring for increased maturity, insight, knowledge, peace, intimacy. Just thinking of where I am and where I want to be is like looking how far the east is from the west.

But in the midst of the pruning and the reflection, God sprinkles in encouragement and love. I found this in Spurgeon's evening devotional the other day and it so spoke to my heart... and to the theme of my blog...of being clay that is molded and shaped and continually being worked on by God.

Let me share a bit of what he said ( I hope it encourages you as much as it encouraged me):
Genesis 1:4 "God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness."

God saw goodness in the light. He created it. Day from night. Light from darkness. The sun, moon and stars. He said "let there be light" and it was. And he delighted in was His handiwork, and a reflection of Himself, His image, because "He is light." Stay with me...and while physical light is sweet, spiritual light is more precious....(our eyes beholding God's glory, seeing how He reveals Himself, finding truth in His Word,...Joy, knowledge, holiness.)

Spurgeon writes: "It is pleasant for the believer to know that, in this manner, God's eye is tenderly observant of the grace which He has begun. He never loses sight of the treasure which He has placed in our earthen vessels. Sometimes we cannot see the light, but God always sees the light, and that is much better than our seeing it. Better for the judge to see my innocence than for me to think I see it....'The Lord knows them that are His.' You may be sighing and groaning because of inbred sin, and mourning over your darkness, yet the Lord sees the "light" in your heart, for He has put it there, and all the cloudiness and gloom of your soul cannot conceal your light from His gracious eye. You may have sunk low in despondency, and even despair; but if your soul has any longing towards Christ, and if you are seeking to rest in His finished work, God sees the "light." He not only sees it, but He also preserves it in you. This is a precious thought to those who, after anxious watching and guarding of themselves, feel their own powerlessness to do so. The light that is being preserved by His grace in this manner, He will one day develop into the splendor of noonday, and the fullness of glory. The light within is the dawn of the eternal day."

I'm feeling. I'm wanting. I'm craving more. And I'm trying to do something about it. Like an onion, the heart is being stripped layer by layer. That's a good thing.

Father, thank you for not only placing Your light in me...but for also seeing this light and preserving it. Thank you for noticing me, for finding me precious when I find myself most unprecious. I long to rest in Your finished work. My soul desires to develop into the "splendor of noonday" and the "fullness of Your glory." And above all else, Thank you for simply being You. I love you.

"Being confident in this, that He who began a good work in me will carry it onto completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
Philippians 1:6

So privileged and thankful to be in Your be Your clay.


  1. It's beautiful to see how God is pursuing you, letting you be discontent with where you are so that you'll run to Him for more of Him.

    Thanks for sharing!

  2. At first I was disappointed when I scrolled down and found NO pictures...then I started reading. You are such an inspiration to so many (including me). I thank God daily for you and your family.

    Much love,
    Mama Jo