Friday, November 12, 2010

Compassion overflows...

2 years ago today I found out I was having a miscarriage. God took me on quite a journey and held me in the palm of His hand...speaking to me gently, and comforting emotions I wasn't prepared to feel or deal with during this time. He revealed a lot of Himself to me and taught me valuable lessons on the preciousness of life...even in its smallest form. For this I am eternally grateful. I wouldn't trade this experience in, as dark and painful and lonely as it seemed to be. For He is good and wise and merciful. His compassion overflows, and He makes all things new.

For about a year now I have been feeling led to sponsor a child who shares the same birthdate as the day the life inside of me was lost on earth but gained in heaven. I've browsed the Compassion International website in the past, and found myself doing this again this week...knowing the anniversary of this occasion was just around the corner.
I looked at several photos and read a few biographies, wondering how would I ever be able to choose just one child. How would I know who to choose? And then I found her
and compassion overflowed.

Upendo Hussen Lukavi
born November 12, 2002
7 years old
lives in Tanzania.
in an AIDS affected area.
As I was looking at her bio, I instantly became overwhelmed with emotion. "For fun, she enjoys rolling a hoop, playing house and art." I wept. I called Darcy. I knew that this was the child God wanted us to sponsor. So, we signed her up. Hoping she receives word of this on or around her birthday, and that it brings her joy. Longing to tell her how special and loved she precious and important and known she is to God.

Romans 8:28 says that, "And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." I see His hand in this circumstance, doing just that. (Romans 8:26-28 from The Message) states:

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

(I love the irony in the terminology, "knows our pregnant condition." While not to be taken literally, this spoke to me, especially in regards to my story. He knows and cares about every detail. He and His sovereignty lead us to and through.)

Later in the day (after we singed up for sponsorship), I received a call from my husband. He says, "Honey, you know how your name means 'Worthy of love?'...Well, I looked up Upendo's name. In Swahili it means 'LOVE'. I thought you'd like to know that." My heart swelled. I tucked this away as treasure, and each time I think or say her name, my heart flutters and smiles at the thought. My soul says "Sijambo" (Swahili for "I am fine.") Whatever circumstance life brings me, it is well with my soul for I am trusting in a mightily sovereign God. I will never be forgotten or forsaken. The compassion He spilled out on me has overflown this heart of mine leaving plenty of compassion for me to return.

I did this for Upendo. I did this for me. Where a life was lost, new hope for life continues. It's a place where hope and healing have intertwined and where God brings beauty out of ashes and turns mourning into gladness.

Humbly overwhelmed by Him,


  1. Love this post, and love that you chose to turn a tragedy into a blessing. :)

  2. Tears are a flowin...and I can't find the "off" valve. Heeelllpppp! lol
    I have no eloquent words or thoughts at the beauty of this...
    only wet cheeks and my happy cry that confuses the dickins out of my kids,
    "Mom are you laughing or crying?!?!"

    I love your Upendo. I love you!

  3. this is amazing. it speaks powerfully to me. I've been writing a lot on waiting on God and trusting his plans in the waiting.

    as i was reading your words a song started stirring in my heart "well, you know me better than I know myself..."

    the melody came at once and I'm currently reading over this post as I write the lyrics. My spirit is resonating so much I know this will be a powerful worship song.

    I'll play it for you and Darcy when it's done.

    Thank you SO MUCH for having the COURAGE to be open and honest about your struggles becuase that's being a TRUE witness. Worshipping in spirit and in truth is being willing to be honest about the hardships, doubts, fears, and failures - but then CHOOSING to place faith in God and worship him, telling him you trust him to work it for good.

    You and Darcy are TRUE WORSHIPPERS in spirit and in truth, and those are the worshippers "the Father seeks". He is seeking you all for sure!