Monday, November 15, 2010

Is this my destination?

My daughter Brooke, bless her heart, has been determined to have a playdate with her new kindergarten BFF. This new beloved friend is named Sarah and Brooke has been talking about her since the first week of school. Since I did not have Sarah's phone # to call her mom to arrange a playdate, Brooke took it upon herself to draw Sarah a map to our house.
(see below)
And then she says, "I don't know if her house is far away, but I think this will be enough to get her here."
(is that not the sweetest?)

As I am folding my 3rd load of laundry at 9:30pm tonight, exhausted...I think to myself, "I wish it were that easy. I wish we could just simply draw up a map to get to our destination." Because, I'm not even sure what my earthly destination looks like. Based on today, it is paying many bills on a tight budget, cleaning, cooking, doing the dishes, doing the laundry, folding the laundry, doing homework with Brooke with a one year old crying at my feet, doing homework with Brayden in his room as Brooke dances around singing in the background causing innocent distraction and the baby rifles through his drawers throwing clean folded clothes onto the floor and finding every small lego possible to put in her mouth. Play time. Bath time. Story time. Bed time. More dishes. More laundry. Straighten the house. All I want to do is take a hot bath, read, relax, rest. Is this my destination? Can't I just redraw it with an easy road to lead the way? There are days, like today, that I just wish I knew what lied ahead. I wish I could map out my world to find my own destination.
Like my daughter's penciled road...mine is long and narrow and winding.
And sometimes the wait seems just the same.
I've tossed this question around in my head all night... "What is my destination Lord? Is this it?"
And I kid you not, as I am typing away here, I glance right in front of me at a paperweight that used to sit on my husband's desk.
It reads, "The man who walks with God always gets to his destination."
It's as simple as that.
Really it is.

Finding comfort in that still small voice, even in my "calgon" moments.
(can you tell I didn't get my quiet time this morning? i'm a lost and desperately dependent soul)


2 comments:

  1. HE know the destination and it is, at once, the hardest, and yet the easiest, thing in the world to just trust and follow.

    Your heart blesses me on a regular basis and I am so very thankful to call you friend.

    XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

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  2. Oh, friend. I am in such a similar season of the heart. I am by nature a planner...and these times when life just isn't how I planned or hoped that it would be - and feeling so out of control of my destination. They frustrate me. But I think its a holy frustration, a divine disturbance - to teach me to trust that his plans for me are far better than my own. But in the valley moments of this journey, I fully resonate with the, "I wish I could map out my world to find my own destination." I sometimes panic, feeling like we're free falling with no bigger plan, and we just need to take the wheel and chart our course. But as the Spirit so perfectly & timely (as is His way) reminded you...The man who walks with God always gets to His destination. So true. And as Becky Jo said, Yes...the easiest and most difficult thing to trust and follow.

    But our Shepherd, He is good.
    He leads us beside still waters, restores our soul, casts away fear...even in the valley of death.
    Honored to follow alongside you, sweet friend. And rest assured, though it is often hard to see in the middle of your circumstance, from our vantage point we can clearly see His hand of Providence every step of the way...He has a destination in mind, and He is leading you through obstacle, trial, and snare so that you reach it whole, mature, and complete.
    Press into Him. I think there is no more beautiful offering than a desperately dependent soul.

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