Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Resting 101...

I'll be the first to admit that this life is like a roller coaster, with some days feeling like I am slowly clicking my way up to the top and other days feeling like I'm going full speed ahead, with nothing underneath me, about to crash. I've been candid with my struggle about "feeling" like God is FOR me. It's an area in my spiritual life that God has been working through...believing something to be true and actually embracing it can look like two completely different things.

I was just telling Darcy Sunday night that sometimes I feel like that kid in the back of the classroom with hand held high, jumping in and out of his seat, waiting to be called on. I look around and can see answered prayer and blessings in the lives of others, have prayed these things for loved ones, and rejoice with them when this happens. But quietly am whispering to the teacher at the head of the classroom, "What about me? Is it my turn yet? (pleading) Pick me! Pick me!" And I feel overlooked. I know it is foolish to feel this way because God doesn't owe me anything and I have plenty of blessings in my life to focus on. I've just felt that we have hit trial after trial, and fire after fire. While we have and are being delivered through them all, it is exhausting. I'm ready to be called on. I'm ready for my turn. I'm ready for a break.

Monday morning as I was about to start diving into my Bible study, I hadn't even gotten past reading the second paragraph on Day One when I was re-introduced to Romans 8:31 reminding me again to trust that God is FOR me. I stopped right there, opened my Bible (and turned to a couple other translations of it) and let this scripture sink in...inhaling each word into my spirit.

It hit me when reading over the NLT version, verse 34..."Christ Jesus died FOR us, and was raised to life FOR us, and He is sitting in the place of honor at God's right hand, pleading FOR us."

I couldn't get past the "pleading" part. I felt like God was saying to me, "You are not the overlooked kid in the back of the classroom. Someone else is there; He took your seat...even took it to the cross. And He's not in the back of the classroom anymore...He's seated at the front of the classroom, right next to me, in a seat of mercy...and He is pleading for you. You don't need to be that kid. It's wearisome and I have someone who can do that FOR you. So rest. Rest child. Rest in my promises, in my truth, in me. You are wasting too much energy trying to hold the weight of the world on your shoulders, but if you take on my yoke, your burden will be light. Peace comes in believing me and trusting me. Rest."

Later that afternoon I had a very anointed lady call me...someone who has never called me before, but sought out my phone number because she sensed our family is being oppressed and we were laid heavily on her heart. She spoke truth to me and encouraged me through her wise words and powerful prayer. It just felt like God was trying to use every avenue possible to reach me and tell me that He indeed is FOR me.

I guess I am a slow learner. Thankfully, I have a Teacher who knows all of the answers and can solve all of the problems on the chalkboard of life. He leads me. I also have a perfect example of a student in Jesus. He studied for me, and when I am called on, it's He who will supply me with all the right answers. He shows me how to follow.

I'm learning to REST. I'm embracing that the Lord is FOR me. As my divine friend shared with me on the phone, "the promises I sow in tears are promises I will reap in joy." I'm breathing it in and resting.

(love the lyrics in this song by Sara Groves:)
"Lord I have a heavy burden *its* all I've seen and know
But your word is like a fire
and I cannot let it go

And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought ..."

It brings me back to Exodus 14:14
"The Lord will fight FOR you. You need only to be still."


1 comment:

  1. Oh, GIRL, I soooooo needed that today. I hear ya and I am on my knees. And In HIS WORD!

    Love you and am ALWAYS praying for you SM ... ALWAYS.