Friday, January 13, 2012

the gracefall...


"Let the beauty of the LORD our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us,
yes, establish the work of our hands."
~Psalm 90:17

LORD, I'm amazed by You. So much talk about snowfall today. With one glance outside my window I watch as it begins to lightly fall to the ground...imagery much like the gracefall You've covered me in over the past week. And not the type that's a light flurry, just dusting the frozen ground. No, Your grace has fallen thick and luxurious, resting heavily upon me when I least expected it, inch after glorious inch. I'm breathing it in, tasting each flake that falls and thickens what You've already begun.

My daily prayer for a couple of months now has been Psalm 90:17. For the past 16 months I've been fervently praying and believing God will provide and build our business and Darcy's career, but this exact Psalm has been new to me. It has often felt like He hasn't heard my cries as I continue to wait in the unanswered realm of hopeful anticipation and doubt. When I was first introduced to this scripture, ("Power of a Praying Wife Devotional" by Stormie Ormatian) I was immediately drawn to it for its eloquence, relevance, and for how it so concisely captured my heart's desires in this area of my life. But my real focus had been on Him establishing the work of our hands part, often not paying much thought to the verse in its entirety. So it was an unexpected delight to receive part A of this prayer in such a lavish way...His beauty resting upon me in nothing less than a breathtaking gracefall.

It was only about a week or so ago that I was breaking down behind the privacy of showerhead and curtain, as Gungor played in the background of my bathroom with a song of painful beats and beautiful melodies that precisely echoed the struggle and petition of my weakened fragile spirit. My heart sang along in pleading as I was not feeling that there was anything much beautiful within me. It was only but a week later in this very same room that His grace began to fall. And it fell hard.

I've had a handful of precious, hard to articulate, encounters in which I have felt the presence of the LORD so strongly. I call it a "dose of the Holy Ghost." A holy high that compares to no other drug, leaving you craving and jonesing for more. Like a divine needle straight to the heart flooding my veins with His unsurpassable peace and joy. His presence, overwhelming, intimate. As if He entered that bathroom, sat Himself down using the closed toilet seat as a stool, and intensely listened and responded to the words of my heart. And it was there, when still, our circumstances hadn't changed and I still struggled to find anything much beautiful within that wasn't covered in dust, that His beauty rested upon me...yes, a gracefall like no other; one that does not forsake in weakness, and comes though undeserved. It's done something to me...expanded my limited vision, changed my primitive perspective, allowed me to get a glimpse of the world and my place in it from a fresh lens. A heart change in trust and belief and gratitude. Revival at its finest. He's wiping off the dust and making me new...carrying out His work in me as in the great Philippians promise.

I've been hibernating in a way- but not as I've been prone to do in times of discouragement and strife. This time, I'm burying my heart in the mounts of grace that have fallen all around, allowing Him to be my hiding place. Breathing it in, not wanting the gracefall to end. Forget the tv. Forget a novel. Forget facebook and pinterest. The cravings under this drunken grace spell lead straight to His Holy Word. I'm finding my morning time with Him is going by too quickly; it needs to last longer. He's consuming my thoughts throughout the day as I look for more quality moments to fit and soak Him in. I'm reading His word with excitement and discovery. I put together a new worship playlist and I can't seem to turn it off, taking it with me into the kitchen as I cook and wash dishes, into the car, and into a hot bath with ear buds because I can't bear to pull myself from the praise that's bursting within.

In a winter state, where sleep seems to be the norm, something's come alive inside. Under His exhilarating captivation, I exalt Him. How can I begin to tell of a God who is so good? One who dances over me and surprises me with love agape in my very own bathroom. Oh, a garden's coming up from this dry ground. For now, under this warm, heavy blanket of grace, I'm resting in pure perfect amazement...

with much gratitude for the gracefall,

3 comments:

  1. It is a great collection you put together.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are gifted Amanda. May his grace continue to rest on you and your home. This post is hauntingly beautiful, and raw. Thank you for sharing. I added your blog to my blogroll. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm just now catching up on checking my regular blog reads. I was hungry last night to hear of this gracefall of which you spoke. And tonight...I devoured every beautiful detail. I am thanking Him for covering you, for being your very great reward...your portion. With so much of all that He is...it surely diminishes all the other lesser longings that battle for our attention. I am thanking him for showing up, just when you needed him to, speaking the words only He could say to raise up the dead in you, heal the broken. He is working in your life, in your circumstance, in your home. He is for you...and after reading your words, I am ever more hopeful of the same for me (in my doubting moments). Thank you, as always, for your heart layed bare, your vulnerability and authenticity is refreshing to me, and so eloquently & lovely penned. This one needs to be printed & pasted right in the middle of that prayer journal...an alter of sorts to remind you of exactly when & how God showed up when you called. He is the God who Sees.
    I love you!
    e

    ReplyDelete