Monday, April 2, 2012

a sister's heart...

there's something precious about the heart of a sister.
brookie has written notes and drawn pictures for her big brother throughout this entire journey.
here are a few she made for our current hospital stay.
in this one below she writes:
"i was crying today after school. come out please.
love, brooke"
with a picture of their school bus and our house,
with a sign in the window that reads,
"i miss you."
(and of course a scotch taped star wars character protecting and guarding the path makes any card better)
in the one below she writes,
"God is with you brayden. you should know that God is with (you)"
(brookie, you have no idea how this little note has served as a great reminder for your mama too. and your illustration symbolic of how He always keeps His promises.)
this we cling to sweet girl,
and His grip holds tighter than scotch tape.
in another she illustrates her brother in a hospital bed, with an IV drip to his side, and well wishes taped to his room walls.
nearby, the children's play area.
what's become our home away from home.
here, an illustration of her standing alone at the bus stop
without her brother by her side.
she misses him.
she misses home.
she misses normal.
we all do.
a sister's tender heart told through 6 year old eyes;
it moves me.

it's hard to understand how a few days ago we were here...
and appeared to be on the road to recovery,
and in the next instant found ourselves here...
with a morphine drip in hand,
and a boy who's health has gone downhill.
we are on day 6 of episode 3...
where time has confirmed that his cycles are
vicious and much longer in duration than we had hoped
(for now).
i think i've heard groans come from my son's mouth more times than any mother should ever bear to hear.
there's nothing normal about this.

and in the whirlwind of abnormalcy and strife...
i still manage to find a heaviness lifted in the simplest of things.

once again,
deriving from a sister's heart.
(but this time, it's my own...)

a sister who dropped everything in an instant, withdrew her own two kids from school (for the second time) and packed up in a hurry to come to our side.
to usher in normalcy wherever she could find a way...
through cleaning my house, doing my laundry, and caring for my girls.
just having a familiar face greet me at the end of a long heavy day.
when weariness wouldn't allow for many words to be exchanged,
her presence was a piece of "home" and "normal" to my heart.

and as i continue to sit bedside my son in a dark hospital room,
i receive texts that bring more "normal" to my day...
like my yummy girl here
(because you really can't get any more normal than taking a trip with your aunt to the local dollar store)
more reminders of normal and home
and comfort and care and love unconditional
have sprinkled in at just the right time each day in texts and photos of my other girl,
lost in legoland with her cousins...
and preparing for easter through the coloring of eggs extraordinaaire
and just "being,"
yes, being...
in a place, in a home, that offers her the closest thing to normal.
with family who loves her with intention and belonging.
and although i miss her miserably,
i wouldn't want her anywhere else.
this smile here,
a lifter of heaviness.
the cause of her smile an even greater lifter...
because it comes from a sister's heart caring for her own.
these simple things are my light shining through today.

1 comment:

  1. I have no words ... Brookie - you are an amazing girl. And you learned to be a sister from three of the very best. Your mommy, Auntie Em and Auntie Sarah are the best at being sisters that I have EVER seen! And you love your brother that same way. I am so proud of you!

    J - I know these days are long and hard. I hope you know how loved you are and how very hard we are all praying. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO