Tuesday, August 28, 2012

closing the gap...for our own good

little yummy turned 3 saturday.  we've been prepping her that once she turned three we would give up the binky.  she's had it longer than my first two ever did...but i haven't seemed to mind.  she's my baby. in a world that already is rushing her to grow up too fast too quickly, her binky kept her little in my eyes.  problem is, that gap between her two front teeth isn't getting any smaller and that overbite isn't becoming less pronounced. so, even if i didn't want to take it from her, i knew it was for her own good.

her first nap without her binky was a bit torturous.  it broke my heart to see her so distraught and yearning and not able to understand the "why" in the matter.  i laid in her bed with her, trying to console with gentle pats and whispers, stroking of hair and skin and offering up little prayers of peace and comfort.  she wanted nothing of it.  she tossed and turned and flailed and kicked the wall.  i told her her binky wasn't good for her teeth and in reply she cried, "but mama, my teeth don't hurt!"  a tiny breaking of heart.  she never gave in to sleep.

i wonder now if this is the way our God feels about us at times.  if it breaks His mighty Parent heart too. when we won't give in. when we take on the comforts of the world and get too comfortable.  when out of love He strips them from us because He knows that although they won't necessarily cause an overbite of mouth, they cause an overbite of heart and an overlooking of Him.  those same comforts may not cause a gap in our teeth, but rather a gaping space between Him and us.  so He strips and takes away. for our own good.

our minds don't always understand the "why."  but the Good Book says don't lean on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6).  i find that my darkest hours, where there was no possible way to answer the "why," are also the hours that i found the gap between me and my Maker the thinnest.  where the comforts of the world paled to the comforts found in Him.

yummy's first night without the binky went better than her first nap.  while she didn't flail and scream, she surrendered to the loss and found a way to replace the soothing of the binky through rhythmic sucks on her own forearm.  we are not all that different, are we? how easy it is for us to try to replace what God has stripped away, pawn it for a lousy substitute.  when the whole time He is standing in front of us saying, "come to me. right here you have the Real Thing."

for weeks berlyn has been asking for a new "same kitty" for her birthday.  the one she has slept with and carried around every day of her life is tattered and torn. well-loved and beyond.  it's had one too many "surgeries" and is at the point of being unfixable.  so, we bought her a new one.  i was so excited for her to open it on her birthday.  and she did. and she looked at it strangely and said, "it has a funny face."  she didn't recognize it.  she doesn't want it next to her or in her bed.  she looks at it with familiar eyes and tries to like it, but old kitty always wins out.  new is not better and some things can't be replaced.  some comforts must come straight from the original Comforter.  and sometimes surgery of our own hearts must take place so that we can recognize the truth of the Gift in front of us. the Real Thing. understanding dawns.

night 2 of the binky went better than i could have imagined.  little yummy didn't even ask for it.  a good lesson for us too.  surrender to the loss, to the unknown, to the stripping and pruning and let the trusting of His plan and His sovereignty be our default.  run to the Comforter. 
and let the Gap close. 
for our own good.

2 comments:

  1. Oh Sweet Yummy ... you are so loved! And you CLEARLY love well yourself, judging by your cat! So proud of you for being such a big girl! Your smile is BEAUTIFUL! Gotta keep it that way!

    J - your words ... wow.

    Love you!

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  2. So sweet. Those mile stones are always harder on us!

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