Friday, September 14, 2012

counting graces (with a capital "G")

the counting of graces began before my eyes even found focus this morning.  my litttlest climbing into bed with us, reaching over, searching and finding my index finger.  holding it tight in tiny dimpled hand.  i smiled in the dark, though no one could see.  minutes later my french braided middle child walks into the room, wrapped in blanket she stops.  about to turn around before she sees the slits of her mama's eyes open and my hand motion for her to come near.  she crawls in beside me.  now i'm sandwiched in this king sized bed with three of my favorites. spooning grace before my day has even begun.

i'm learning this art of gratitude and counting graces.  it is making a difference.  it is changing me.  it is slowing down moments of time in this speed and activity addicted world. and i'm happy. at rest. today.

i've been praying to find rhythm to our homeschooling schedule. with days that sometimes feel like hamster on wheel.  getting nowhere, or so it seems.  taking one step forward, two steps back.  i've been asking for wisdom from the Wise One who without finding fault, gives generously to all who ask.  where to tweak? where to adjust? where to change?  and i feel it coming.  a beat moving steady about to pick up pace.  we're catching it.  and i know i can do this.  and with joy. afterall, this melody was written for me.  all the notes are there, if i can just give myself a chance to hear them.  and number the beat.

another counted grace:
 a daughter who homeschools in tap shoes and tiara...

and glossy painted lips.

today grace is raining.
and i'm soaking and catching it up
each quenching moment at a time.

*and a final counted grace.  one that deserves a capital "G"...
i've been praying that God would give me joy and desire for this homeschooling journey.  i won't lie...the beginning of this week was rough.  but these past couple of days there's been a heart change.  the responsibility doesn't seem so heavy.  in today's "Jesus Calling for Kids," the author writes,
"Sacrifice is a difficult word to understand.  And it is even more difficult to practice.  It means giving up what you want for yourself in order to please or help someone else.  In your relationship with Me (God), it means giving up control of your life- to let Me show you the way I want you to live.  When you sacrifice your own will to Mine, seeking to please Me, that is worship."

And it hit me.  This call to homeschooling has been a sacrifice for me.  A sacrifice of my time and my will and my plan for my life.  I've dragged my heels and fought it.  Focusing on what's been lost, rather than what's to be found.  I've struggled with finding the joy in it.  But it's coming.  It's ripening.  And I'm certain the fruit of it will be most fragrant and sweet. In due time.  What I'm treasuring about today's devotion is that it renamed this act of sacrifice.  Worship.  And how may one truly worship if there is not a heart of joy in it?  Ah...yes.  My eyes are opening.  This homeschooling gig.  My daily act of worship.  The realization that He's given me this incredible opportunity to offer Him this worship daily.  This is big.

What is He calling you to?
Is it sacrifice or is it worship?
Is it with the lens of something lost,
or with the lens of something to be found?
Is it with dragging feet,
or with joy?
Think about these things.
And join me in finding your daily call to worship.
And the graces that will sound up from
the inner voice of our hearts.

1 comment:

  1. I LOVE that - Sacrifice is Worship. Girl, that just changed MY day and MY outlook as well.

    Oh, He is so faithful.

    Thank you for your transparency and for the gift of these words that spill of your heart. They - and the heart they come from - are beautiful things!!!

    I ADORE you!
    The End.