Monday, March 24, 2014

To Unite or Untie...(and a hairbrush of grace)

All it took was a missing hairbrush to untie an already fragile heart today.  It was a slow unravel really, just scanning the morning for a place to come loose and undone.  And it did.  Bouncing locks of flowing, knotted ugliness on its bare back.

All over a silly, missing (already broken and old) hairbrush?

In harsh words and tone I unravelled right onto the heart of my littlest.  I knew in the instant I frustratingly spit out, "I am going to buy a brush of my own today and no one in this house is ever going to lay a finger on it!," that this really wasn't about a hairbrush.  But rather a fine, paperthin heart drenched and saturated in heaviness.  Nonabsorbent to grace of the moment...(life's quicker-picker-upper.)

So unbecoming to plop my weary tangled load onto her innocent lap.  Her quick and justified tears told me so.  And beckoned me into instant remorse, repentance, and intentionality to brush the day up in a ponytail of gentleness.  We had to use comb to fight through our knotted strands today.  But I knew there was more in knots than just our dirty-blonde beadheads.

Lately it seems, without warning, a certain area of knotted hurt or struggle flashes in my mind throughout any given hour of the day. And I have to wrestle through these thoughts to regain my focus.  When this happens, it's like a wave of nausea churns within, flipping my heart inside out in that very moment and dropping it into the pit of my stomach.  It's getting very old.  These unwelcomed thoughts are like commercials in my day.  They interrupt life's programming and try to sell me on some false illusion, convincing me to buy into the lie.  It sends me on an emotional demon-drop-of-the-heart ride.  Each one tempting me to give into the unravelling.

It made me think of a text I recently sent to my husband...reminding him that God is using all of our "hard" to unite us as husband and wife and unite us to Him.  I remember typing out that text.  As my fingers tapped the keys to spell "unite," I thought to myself, "Wow, if you switched two of those letters around you would get the word 'untie'."  A stark contrast to unite.  In that moment I was determined not to let the enemy use our hardships to cause us to become untied.  How easily this can happen.  How desperate the enemy of our souls desires for such.

Yet, here I found myself this morning allowing this very thing to happen.  Perhaps I need to go back and reread that original text.  The sad reflection in the bathroom mirror today needs this reminder.

I can become untied by the things I can't control or I can become united to the One who's in control.

Life is a bubbling over brook of moments and circumstances that can cause us to come loose in our hurt, discouragement and frustration.  I have a choice to either become untied by these things, or allow them to unite me closer to the One who laces all things together.

The One who gift-wraps beauty in papers of ash.

The One who tied His Only Son to a tree in a bow of scarlet sin as the ultimate gift for me.
For you.

When my heart feels the heaviness of the world and the split-ends of struggle press in and pull in all directions, yanking the wind right out of me...When I feel stretched, squeezed, and wrung out raw of strength,  I can rinse myself in the One who detangles life's knots and deep conditions the dry, brittle soul.  I'm working up a lather.

I pray for Him to sweep me into an updo of truth, where I become one with Him in thought and heart.  He alone knows just how many strands it'll take for the hairbrush of grace to slick back and untie the knots of hurt and hard.  And unite them into a redemptive braid of smooth and sleek blonde glory.

I hold tight to Him in the wait.


  1. Your heart has captured what has been on my heart. May Gods comb sweep you up in His ponytail of grace. Praying for you.

  2. thank you denise...and i will be praying for you too. united we stand, my friend! tied tightly to Him!