I'm still CLAY

Yahweh-Yireh

2012-01-26T07:45:00.012-05:00

This year I have resolved to officially give up "worrying," claiming it is so 2011 and very overrated...so when I felt it creeping up this morning, I had to hush it back down with prayer and His Holy Word. Re-reading the familiar words of Matthew 6 always ushers in peace. I love my trusty NIV, but also enjoy holding it up to other versions because God has a way of speaking afresh and allowing His truth to sink in when I do this.

Anyone out there a bit worried about yesterday or tomorrow,

open your mouths and feast on this:

Matthew 6:19-24 (The Message):

(emphasis my own)

A Life of God-Worship

^19-21"Don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or—worse!—stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and rust and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.

^22-23"Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have!

²⁴"You can't worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you'll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can't worship God and Money both.

^25-26"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

^27-29"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.

^30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

³⁴"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

I don't want to pull down the blinds on the window of my life by worrying and doubting in my yesterdays and tomorrows. No, I want this life to shine and be a reflection of Him. Eyes open wide in wonder and belief. In Genesis 22, Abraham believed God to be a God of provisions. In obedience, he was ready and willing, and when the time came for the unthinkable, "he looked up and there in the thicket he saw a ram caught by it's horns...So Abraham called that place Yahweh-Yireh, which means "The LORD will provide" (verses 13-14). Let this season, and this life, be one that's marked with just that...evidences all along this journey that remind and declare:

Yahweh-Yireh.

Steeping myself...

Now that's a better way to start my day!

2012-01-24T08:56:00.003-05:00

tiny breakthrough

in darkness of cocoon,

shedding glimpses of

movement

on new wings of grace.

awareness of work

we've still to sow,

yet beholding

and strengthened

by today's view,

as it's one of

hope

and light.

yesterday's ground plowed in

revelation and

movement,

and hope

in the coming harvest.

a garden sure to rise,

by only

living water and

light of Son.

and the waiting

upon both.

emerging

into what

the Maker has purposed.

creation

new.

Paper kisses...

2012-01-23T13:15:00.003-05:00

I almost didn't write this post because I know Brooke would be horrified if she found out...

But this just tickled me like no other; it's worth sharing.

So, a couple of days ago we went to Target to replace a broken toy that Brayden had received for Christmas. We let Brooke pick out something small and she chose this 2 pack of Justin Bieber folders for $2.00.

Yesterday, late afternoon, I was in her bedroom putting away clean clothes when something caught my eye...It was fairly dark in her room, but I caught a glimpse of a reflection on one of her new folders that was sitting on her bed.

As I looked closer, I noticed that there were lip marks on the surface of each folder, right where Justin Bieber's mouth was...Yep, she was kissing Justin!

This sorta concerned me, but moreso cracked me up. 6 years old and kissing the paper face of Justin Bieber. I don't ever remember doing this as a little girl, although I do remember making my Ken and Barbie kiss. She is growing up too fast. Still wanting to keep the "little" in my girl. But glimpses like this just remind me of the unique wiring God has gifted in the heart of a female...to love and be loved, to be pursued and treasured,

for prince charming to come dashing in on a white horse and lead her to her very own

"happily ever after."

And even at this tender age, to be found captivating.

My prayer for her is that she will always seek and find the answer of her heart's desires in Jesus.

But, until then, first and foremost let her find this in her Daddy,

(and perhaps in the occasional paper kisses of a PopStar).

We have ourselves a dreamer.

what can i bring...

2012-01-22T15:39:00.003-05:00

wish i had the song in her voice,

but i'll happily settle for the song of her heart.

close your door. turn up the volume.

take a few moments before Him in reverent worship.

bring all of yourself.

insulated...

2012-01-21T15:15:00.014-05:00

I've been cold for 2 days straight. Freezing cold, to the bone. So cold that my husband came home from work last night and surprised me with an electric blanket. I haven't used one of those since I was a girl growing up in the farmhouse. Brings back memories of fighting with my siblings on frigid days over who's turn it was to stand over the furnace vent. The best was to stand over it in a nightgown and trap the heat in all around. Well, 30+ years later I find myself living in a cold house again. It doesn't help that this house is large, there are hardwood floors and windows all throughout, and although there have been additions and remodels, it is still old and probably lacks proper insulation. It also doesn't help that it has been 11 degrees outside either. But despite the frigid temps of the season, I've felt insulated. Insulated by His grace and presence. And with this, suddenly all of my heart's desires and struggles don't seem as urgent or important as they've begun to melt down around me. Circumstances haven't changed, but His presence and my awareness of Him has. I've been buffered in His insulation.

My husband and I just watched a CATALYST Conference DVD. Some friends lent it to us a while ago and suggested we watch it, but we hadn't gotten around to it until last night. Perhaps we didn't make time or just got too tired or sucked into the "no-brainer" entertainment of American Pickers or Pawn Stars come night, but we finally sat down and got a chance to watch it. And it was good. We listened to messages of two dynamic speakers/pastors: Francis Chan and Judah Smith. I want to give credit where credit is due, but I'm afraid that the two messages are blurring together for me...but I still want to share what God's laid on my heart in the process. Just know that these next thoughts originated from these two anointed men.

While I've read the works of Francis Chan and have checked out a video or online clip of him here and there, I had never actually watched him deliver a message before. Once I got past his wild and passionately animated style of preaching (If I talked like that with my arms/hands, I'd have biceps and triceps of steel!) the words of his heart rang true and convicting.

Francis posed a question to the conference crowd of thousands, "What if we were to take an inventory of the prayers over the past month from everyone here? What prayers would we see repeated over and over again?" He goes on to tell a story about Moses (Exodus 33). How Moses had already walked with God...He'd already witnessed God's great miracles firsthand, and yet He wanted more. Even after all of that, Moses boldly asks God to, "show me Your glory." See, Moses was after more than what God could say or do. He desired what was beyond the miracles and promises...He wanted to know God. He wanted to know the essence of Him and what made God God. It was like Moses was saying, "God, I want to know who You are and what You're like, I want more of You."

I believe it was in Judah Smith's message that he talked about David, the heart barer and writer of the book of Psalms. The two messages are beginning to intermix, but one of them referenced David's earnest prayer in Psalm 27:4:

"One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek Him in His temple."

Out of all the things to be asking God, this was the ONE thing He desired...God's presence. To know Him. Is this your daily prayer and desire of your heart? If we inventoried your personal prayers over the past month, would this be the repeat one above all others? I have a lot of repeat prayers, but I can tell you this...this was not one of mine (and it should have been). Recently, my

struggles haven't changed, but I have...and it's because of His presence. My first and foremost prayer, above all other things should be just this. For His presence.

For more of Him.

And for my awareness and reverent acknowledgement of Him.

As believers He's given us His Holy Spirit. It's within...

but sometimes we are too distracted and too worried to take note and abide.

John 15:5 says, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing."

In order to know Him, I must spend time with Him and be fully present in reverence before Him. How can I really know Him apart from this? He must abide within, because apart from Him I can do nothing. Without His presence, what use am I to Him? I cannot bear fruit, be used by Him, or make Him known. We need Him first. We also need to rid ourselves of the distractions around us that beg for our attention and connive us into thinking that Jesus is not enough.

If you've had a taste of being fully present in His presence, if you've had a taste of Jesus in an up-close-and-personal kind of way, you understand that it is better than life itself. If you haven't had this before, you can. I beg you to try...seek it and seek Him. It's better than anything this world can offer...it's better than your favorite comfort food, the exotic vacation you've always dreamed of, or the designer purse you scored on the sale rack. It's better than the smell of newborn babies, your children's giggles or the heartiest belly laugh you could share with a best friend. And, it's available to EVERYONE. I wish it was like a plate of cookies I could pass around and give out, but it's not mine to give. It's His.

It's Him.

When you know God, you are not insulated against life's problems. But you can be insulated and covered in His grace, love and strength...and that will help you cope and get through the struggles. It'll equip you to live life abundantly and to see the world through a different lens. Like switching from black and white tv to color. Blind to brilliantly seeing. Lost to found. I've been craving, basking and bathing in Him lately. I don't want to lose this...I'm making David's prayer my own daily repeat because better IS one day in His courts. If you're feeling overwhelmed, in over your head, weary or burdened, you need not look any further than Jesus. He is more than enough.

He was the first thing in my thoughts this morning, before my feet left the warmth of my electric-blanketed bed. And this old song came to mind. Give me Jesus. I added it to my playlist this morning and it's been cycling on repeat like a hamster on a wheel.

It's a cold world out there and we need insulation. While an electric blanket works for the outside, there's only One who works for the inside. Jesus. Give me more of Him. We need more of Him. Go ahead, ask for it.

Beholding...

2012-01-19T14:08:00.017-05:00

(*you might need to take a seat and grab a cup of coffee for this one...it's long.)

It seems of late, everywhere I turned, things in my life were beginning to crumble. One asks herself, "How does life get this way? And so quickly?" In the midst of this crumbling, God met me in a beautiful heart-changing gracefall, which I shared in an earlier post. And although my circumstances haven't changed, I've been filled with a peace and joy ever since. This gracefall gave me strength, perspective, and the mind to reach out to all of those prayer warriors and seed waterers in my life. Through this process, God has showed up in BIG ways...or perhaps it's not about Him showing up- He's always been there- but rather me opening up my eyes to finally see Him in this season. And let me tell you, His handprint has been on everything.

On a whim (a divinely orchestrated one, that is), Darcy and I were given the opportunity to meet up with some old friends of ours, spiritual mentors, this past Tuesday night. This couple was instrumental in our spiritual development and we hadn't seen them in nearly 8 years! We drove an hour to met them at a halfway point and spent hours catching up over steak, salad, burger and outpouring of heart. Darcy and I rarely go out. The fact that he was actually able to have an evening free and all the details of these plans were thrown together in a matter of hours, is nothing short of a miracle. God had us right where He wanted; I'm certain of it.

I'm not a believer in coincidence or luck...this was a heavenly ordained intervention. Isn't that how awesome our God is though? That He'd take two people who played a vital role in spurring us into a new life in Christ, and bring them back into our lives some 8 years later, to speak to us as we faced a crossroads in our journey and were staring with confusion at the road signs of life that have been pulling us in all direction, (mainly urging us to travel south taking Discouragement Drive, Lost Lane, Hopeless Highway and Abandoned Avenue to our miserable and broken destination...OK, I know that was a bit cheesy, but you get my point.)

For two days I've been listening to what God has been trying to say. His voice ringing loud and clear as themes that were covered that Tuesday night have begun to resound in echoed fashion all around me. It's given me a new fear and reverence for Him, (and a permanent state of "glory bumps") as I ponder all that's taken place.

One theme discussed Tuesday night was the fact that we are not alone and the LORD is with us. I know that might sound elementary and obvious to some, but one of the issues Darcy and I have struggled with is the feeling that we've been abandoned and unheard, and that there aren't many out there who fully understand what we've been going through, (as a couple or individually as a husband/father and as a wife/mother). When meeting with our long lost friends, it was unraveled that they too, have been experiencing much of what we have...man to man, woman to woman, spot on. Although the details and the circumstances are completely different, the process, the emotion, and the struggle has been much the same...almost haunting. Do you know the comfort and validation it brings to to feel understood and to know we're not alone? His Word says that Jesus understands and while on this earth faced everything that we face and that this life brings us. But, there is a noteworthy comfort in having brothers and sisters, in the flesh, walk alongside of us in understanding and journey. Kindred connection.

Another theme that emerged Tuesday night with our friends was that of "embracing" the wait, the darkness, the valley, the season that God has you in. So often I find myself struggling to get out of this season, or making sure I look for and soak in all of the joys of this season instead of just resting in it and accepting it for what it is. My focus is either on looking to the future and a way out, or searching and straining to find the joys while in it...both options can be exhausting and have often left me feeling a sense of failure. Neither perspective is necessarily wrong or bad. But how about just embracing the season for what it is, even if you don't like it and still wish there was a way out? I hadn't really explored that option before. I'm finding there's freedom here I hadn't yet experienced.

Our friends we met with the other night are in ministry by the way, he a respected and beloved pastor, she musically gifted, serving on the Worship team with the voice of an angel...both of them wise and seasoned in their walks, filled with a magnetic and contagious passion for Jesus, the church, and God's people. I wasn't sure if I should mention that or not because of confidentiality purposes, but I'm not really sharing anything they wouldn't openly share. So, as we are talking about this idea of embracing, our friend references Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane and how Jesus was in anguish over what was about to happen, yet He didn't fight it. He accepted it. And trusted His Father. (Trust and belief...one of the key areas God has been working on me as of late). Jesus wasn't spending all of His energy focusing on finding a way out or seeking out the joys and blessings of the moment, but was rather focused on making sure His will was aligned with His Father's perfect will...even if it meant pain, suffering and injustice. He embraced it.

We also discussed that sometimes these dark seasons in life come, not necessarily out of punishment or the testing of our faith, but for growth AND out of His love for us. We can consider it a promotion from God. Perhaps, He has grown us and taken us as for as He can in blessing, and the only way to grow us upward and into His heart furthermore is through these seasons. Embrace. I feel the need to spiritually exhale, do you?

I left Tuesday night feeling refreshed, not alone, and that God had just wrapped us in a big warm hug. Hopeful.

And then Wednesday rolled around, and I spent the day marinating in pleasant, yet hazy thought...feeling as if there was more to the picture that God was trying to tell me. Or that He was trying to make sure I heard His voice clearly. Right after I put Berlyn down for a nap, I decided to listen to a CD that a friend lent to me a couple of weeks ago. I wasn't really even sure what it was about, but knew it was Priscilla Shirer speaking and it came recommended. And would you believe these exact two themes were echoed in her words? A.) God is with us and B.) We need to "behold" (embrace) the season in life He has us in. Wow! I have glory bumps right now just thinking about it! Could His message get any clearer? Stirring of heart accomplished.

She pointed out that there are several places in scripture where God is with people and because they aren't fully present and aware, they have completely missed out on Him. In Genesis 28:16 Jacob awoke after having conversation with God and said,"Surely the Lord was here, and I missed it." She then talked about how Mary Magdalene went to Jesus' tomb looking for Him and didn't realize that the man standing behind her talking to her (supposing it was the gardener) was Jesus Himself...that in her distraught state, she didn't recognize Him or realize that that was the Jesus she had been looking for. When we are disillusioned and discouraged or when life is interrupted and has been derailed from our plan, our goals, and our ambitions, and when it doesn't turn out the way we had hoped, we can fail to recognize that in our present circumstance God is right there with us.

Luke 24, talks about how Jesus appeared to His disciples while traveling on the road to Emmaus and how they too didn't even recognize Him. He was WITH them and they didn't even realize it. This moved me to tears. How many times in this season of life have I felt alone, unheard, and unrecognized? Too caught up in my own little mess that I failed to recognize Him right there beside me while traveling on my own little road to Emmaus? He was telling me that He has always been with me. I still get moved to tears when I think about His effort and movement to make sure that not only did I know this, but that I believed this. Relentless pursuit of my heart. Thank you Jesus.

How often are we with Him but unaware because we are disappointed, discouraged or feel like this life of ours has been interrupted? Priscilla touched upon how we can sleep or race through one season waiting for the next season...we can essentially sleepwalk through whole seasons of our lives (saying and thinking "I can't wait until......"I'm married," "I have children," "I am this size," "I have this promotion" or "this status,"" or "I'm at this point in my spiritual walk"...you fill in the blank. When we live our lives waiting for the next season in life to come, we risk missing out on God's presence, gifts, and the blessings offered in the right now because we are wanting what is yet to come.

She further discussed a secret in preventing "sleepwalking" and in keeping ourselves fully engaged, awake, invested, and present during interrupted seasons of life. Take a look at the word "BEHOLD." It is used all over in scripture and is an important word to take note of. Often meaning "look!" or "suddenly!" or "right now!" or used as an indicator to "call attention to detail...that something was about to take a change." This happened in Luke 24 beginning with verse 13 (KJV). With all of the disappointment and hardship that the disciples had faced, and even though their circumstances were not necessarily getting ready to change, God was getting ready to do something to invade their circumstances. They were in the midst of a "behold" moment even though they were frustrated and discouraged and disheartened. Their story was about to change.

Priscilla shares that the secret to beholding lies in "knowing that our eyes as believers can be opened to God's activity even in the midst of our discouragement." That often we are completely blinded to His activity, the change that He is trying to make in our hearts, our minds, and in us...and in the character He wants to reveal of Himself to us. Often when we are distracted with our discouragement, we don't even realize we are in the midst of a "behold" moment.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to miss out on any of His activity or anything that He has for me. I want to lean into Him, to embrace Him, to "behold" whatever He has for me despite my circumstance or season. He wants my eyes to be open, to believe that behind the scenes He is working everything out for my good (Romans 8:28). And that even when everything about my circumstance remains the same, I won't be.

Beholding. Spiritual vision. He's equipped us with everything we need to seek and see His help, to feel His peace and to grab on to the "behold" moments even in the midst of chaos, discouragement and life's interruptions. We have HOPE that this world doesn't have.

Oh, there's so much more to share, but my inability to keep things concise will force me to stop right here. I've gone on way too long with so many run-on sentences I could be arrested for it. But here's the deal...I want to experience Jesus. I don't want to miss out on a thing He has to offer me. I believe that He has been here every step of this long difficult season, but I haven't always had my eyes open to Him because I was too eager to move onto the next season in life or I was straining to find His blessings and joys versus straining to just find Him.

Little by little, I'm learning to embrace, to listen to Him in my silence, to see the beauty in this season, even when my circumstances don't change...to step on the path that He has set before me, the path of Jesus...to believe that He is with me and that He is for me...to be fully present in Him...and to keep my eyes open for all of the "behold" moments that come in between.

Thank you for your prayers. I beg you not to stop!

And thank you for letting me share my heart, even in run-on sentences.

"Behold"

He is making all things new.

opening wide...

2012-01-19T07:51:00.013-05:00

God is up to something BIG...I can taste it. I've been opening wide since the gracefall; eyes, ears and mouth hungry, enlightened. The wise Spurgeon references Luke 24:45 in today's devotional (the timing of this particular passage just another God orchestrated detail that is blowing my mind. I'll dive into that on another day)...He's speaking, oh is He ever speaking.

"He opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures."

~Luke 24:45

Spurgeon pens, "Many can bring the Scriptures to mind, but the LORD alone can prepare the mind to receive the Scriptures. Our Lord Jesus differs from all other teachers. They reach the ear, but He instructs the heart. They deal with the outward letter, but He imparts an inward taste for the truth, by which we perceive its savor and spirit....Other schools may teach us what is to be believed, but Christ's alone can show us how to believe it."

He has been doing just this. For the past couple of days I have been marinating in things of Him, savoring a side of Him that I have never tasted, and in the process of chewing all that is being taught and revealed. He's brought teachers alongside of me to water the seed, but He has been performing the intricate work and pruning of the heart. The good Gardener.

I've been opening wide. But, like any fine delicacy, we don't really know how "good" and "satisfying" it is while it sits in our mouths...it's not until it has been fully swallowed and finds our bellies that we are truly satiated and understand its goodness. I'm still chewing and savoring, and have just begun to swallow. The "recipe" still in the works.

One of our teachers just introduced me to this song of hope.

Behold, this is not the end...

I'm opening wide.

beautiful things

2012-01-17T13:44:00.006-05:00

Back in August of last year I posted this video, not realizing how much these lyrics would continue to resonate with me, penetrating even deeper with time. With each progressive beat, I find HOPE rising within...pleading for just this, the making of all things new, beautiful things out of dust...beautiful things out of us. This has been my heart cry. Believing today that He will do just this, for me, and for those who fully seek and surrender. Pray along.

the gracefall...

2012-01-13T14:34:00.020-05:00

"Let the beauty of the LORD our God rest upon us;

establish the work of our hands for us,

yes, establish the work of our hands."

~Psalm 90:17

LORD, I'm amazed by You. So much talk about snowfall today. With one glance outside my window I watch as it begins to lightly fall to the ground...imagery much like the gracefall You've covered me in over the past week. And not the type that's a light flurry, just dusting the frozen ground. No, Your grace has fallen thick and luxurious, resting heavily upon me when I least expected it, inch after glorious inch. I'm breathing it in, tasting each flake that falls and thickens what You've already begun.

My daily prayer for a couple of months now has been Psalm 90:17. For the past 16 months I've been fervently praying and believing God will provide and build our business and Darcy's career, but this exact Psalm has been new to me. It has often felt like He hasn't heard my cries as I continue to wait in the unanswered realm of hopeful anticipation and doubt. When I was first introduced to this scripture, ("Power of a Praying Wife Devotional" by Stormie Ormatian) I was immediately drawn to it for its eloquence, relevance, and for how it so concisely captured my heart's desires in this area of my life. But my real focus had been on Him establishing the work of our hands part, often not paying much thought to the verse in its entirety. So it was an unexpected delight to receive part A of this prayer in such a lavish way...His beauty resting upon me in nothing less than a breathtaking gracefall.

It was only about a week or so ago that I was breaking down behind the privacy of showerhead and curtain, as Gungor played in the background of my bathroom with a song of painful beats and beautiful melodies that precisely echoed the struggle and petition of my weakened fragile spirit. My heart sang along in pleading as I was not feeling that there was anything much beautiful within me. It was only but a week later in this very same room that His grace began to fall. And it fell hard.

I've had a handful of precious, hard to articulate, encounters in which I have felt the presence of the LORD so strongly. I call it a "dose of the Holy Ghost." A holy high that compares to no other drug, leaving you craving and jonesing for more. Like a divine needle straight to the heart flooding my veins with His unsurpassable peace and joy. His presence, overwhelming, intimate. As if He entered that bathroom, sat Himself down using the closed toilet seat as a stool, and intensely listened and responded to the words of my heart. And it was there, when still, our circumstances hadn't changed and I still struggled to find anything much beautiful within that wasn't covered in dust, that His beauty rested upon me...yes, a gracefall like no other; one that does not forsake in weakness, and comes though undeserved. It's done something to me...expanded my limited vision, changed my primitive perspective, allowed me to get a glimpse of the world and my place in it from a fresh lens. A heart change in trust and belief and gratitude. Revival at its finest. He's wiping off the dust and making me new...carrying out His work in me as in the great Philippians promise.

I've been hibernating in a way- but not as I've been prone to do in times of discouragement and strife. This time, I'm burying my heart in the mounts of grace that have fallen all around, allowing Him to be my hiding place. Breathing it in, not wanting the gracefall to end. Forget the tv. Forget a novel. Forget facebook and pinterest. The cravings under this drunken grace spell lead straight to His Holy Word. I'm finding my morning time with Him is going by too quickly; it needs to last longer. He's consuming my thoughts throughout the day as I look for more quality moments to fit and soak Him in. I'm reading His word with excitement and discovery. I put together a new worship playlist and I can't seem to turn it off, taking it with me into the kitchen as I cook and wash dishes, into the car, and into a hot bath with ear buds because I can't bear to pull myself from the praise that's bursting within.

In a winter state, where sleep seems to be the norm, something's come alive inside. Under His exhilarating captivation, I exalt Him. How can I begin to tell of a God who is so good? One who dances over me and surprises me with love agape in my very own bathroom. Oh, a garden's coming up from this dry ground. For now, under this warm, heavy blanket of grace, I'm resting in pure perfect amazement...

with much gratitude for the gracefall,

Make do...

2012-01-10T08:00:00.009-05:00

So, I've had my eye on this pragmatic vase for a while. I've been holding onto a giftcard to one of my favorite stores (Anthropologie)- apprehensive to use it until I see something that truly wins my affection. I eyed this in the store a few months back...picked it up off the high shelf, smiled at it with fondness as it sat perched in my hands, paused, and placed it back on the shelf with hesitance. I've seen it online and in the monthly catalog and it keeps grabbing my attention, but i haven't wanted to pay the extra charges for shipping.

But, as the New Year has rolled around, I've been carefully considering personal goals and resolutions. I already knew that one of mine for this year is to love well, and live well. Part of loving well is making people more of a priority in my life. It's so easy to get caught up in our own little family that I hardly have (or make) time for much else. I've always been very social, but not necessarily a great initiator of plans...meaning, if someone asks me to get together, I'm there! If they call, I talk! But, sometimes I do a poor job of being the one asking and making the initial phone calls and plans. It feels good to be asked and invited and called, and I need to be more intentional in this area of my life. [On a side note: With all of these thoughts about love, I've done it. I got my Valentines decorations out this past weekend. I found some fun ideas for this on Pinterest (photos to come). Even with the cleanness and freshness of an uncluttered house once Christmas left us, I still couldn't resist an early start on Valentine's Day. I'm loving well in advance!]

There are countless examples of living well in the Bible. All one needs to do apart from our perfect example in Jesus, is look at the life of Paul. The book of Philippians, authored by Paul, offers a few great places to start living well.

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." ~Philippians 4:12

To "do everything without complaining or arguing."

~Philippians 2:14

To "not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

~Philippians 4:6

Faith with gladness.

To Make Do.

So, while all of this was mulling over in mind and heart, Becky Jo, a dear friend over at Sweet Abundance, asked an open question in cyberspace, "If you could pick one word for your goal for the year, what would it be?"

It didn't take long to discover that my word would be "well."

Living well.

Loving well.

Being well.

(and doing it all with intention...even on those days i don't feel like it)

With all of the above, I purchased the vase. She arrived a few days ago and sits with loveliness and purpose above my kitchen sink, where I spend much of my time. A daily reminder for me to make do, to intentionally live and love well.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

when sorrows like sea billows roll;

whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well,with my soul.

Making do (with a smile), one day at a time,

the faith of Abram

2012-01-05T08:55:00.010-05:00

I haven't written much lately. Haven't had much to say and sometimes struggle to even put words to the heaviness of heart. Oh, that heaviness, it isn't there all of the time, but it crouches in the backdrop, like lion in the bush, there like predator to prey, waiting to pounce upon me. Some days, I have the strength to dart and run...a fast determination to flee from all that attempts to rob my joy. Other times, I can hardly move, but sit and watch in slow motion as this beast comes and sits relentlessly upon my heart.

Through my prayer journal this morning, I began to pour my heart out to the Lord. Not even 8:30am and the tears are flowing. I took on the challenge of reading through the Bible in a year. I'm on Day 5! Today's reading was about the LORD's covenant with Abram. The LORD said to Abram (Genesis 15:5) "Look up into the sky and count the stars if you can. That's how many descendants you will have!" I've read this passage so many times, but felt relieved that God can speak something new and relevant just when you need it most. He's been working in small ways like this lately. Giving me enough of a taste to know He is here, that He is listening, and that He cares. Nothing major and profound, just enough to carry me through. The next verse is the one that began to tug at my heartstrings. Genesis 15:6 says that, "Abram believed the LORD, and the LORD counted him as righteous because of his faith." That's where I want to be. A believer...not just of mind, because that's what His word tells us, but a believer of heart...that through the struggles that this life brings, even when situations seem to bring no relief and months turn into years and I'm growing weary, that I will have the faith of Abram...in our God, in His abilities, in His power, in His plan and in His purpose.

Following God's lead for our family was not as difficult as one may seem, although it may have appeared absurd to many at the time. I've said before, Noah obeying God and building an ark probably seemed crazy to others. Following God's lead may seem irrational to some, for us it was fairly simple. Our real challenge lies in fighting discouragement and trying to understand where He has led us as we sit in our ark and the torrential rains keep pouring down. Trusting. Believing. The true heart knowledge. Some days I burst with joy and hope and find it easy to claim the future blessings He has in store for us. The rainbow sits on the horizon in plain view. I look at my kids and look around me and feel fullness of heart, that I have more than enough. Other days, I wonder why life has to be so hard, why it is such a struggle to have our basic needs met? Why life seems to come so easily for others, full of luxuries and conveniences, yet there seems to be no relief for us? I tell you this is dangerous territory to tread upon.

Later in my Bible reading this morning, Abram asks the LORD how he can be sure of the LORD's blessing of the possession of land He has promised. Verses 9-11, "The LORD told him, 'Bring me a 3 year old heifer, a 3 year old female goat, a 3 year old ram, a turtledove, and a young pigeon.' So Abram presented all these to him and killed them. Then he cut each animal down the middle and laid the halves side by side; he did not however, cut the birds in half. Some vultures swooped down to eat the carcasses, but Abram chased them away."

This last verse struck me as odd. I thought to myself, "Why is this included in the Bible? Who really cares that vultures swooped down to eat some dead animals? Is this relevant?" I am no Bible scholar at all, in fact the farthest thing from it, but I stopped at this verse and a few things came to mind...

Like a vulture, the Enemy tries to steal our offerings to the LORD- our praises. The struggles of this life attempt to destroy and run away with our hearts - and all that is rightfully the LORD's. Envy, jealousy, anger, depression- all thieves, vultures swooping in for the kill. I want the LORD to look at my heart and to count me as righteous because of my faith. Some days, it seems so wavering. I want to be like Abram- strong in faith and able to chase the vultures of life away, refusing to allow anything to steal what is His. Father God, give me the faith of Abram that I may believe and be blessed. LORD, increase it today. Help me to fight to chase away all that attempts to steal and run away with my joy, my strength, and my praises to You. You are and should be more than enough. Provider, Sustainer, Grace-giver, Lover, Father, Protector, Friend, Redeemer, Restorer, Creator...You are.

Even with weakened heart, I'm believing,

The Sacred Attempt

2011-12-26T11:44:00.003-05:00

Ahhh...and so we come upon this time of year when one makes the sacred attempt to capture a perfect family photo...

(this year we started out with just the three kids as we waited for Grandpa - our Christmas Eve photographer- to become available for this daunting task :)

Berlyn is becoming little miss personality these days...

Not too bad...

and now for the real challenge,

adding in the parents!

See documented quest in post below.

Merry Christmas!

Schrieber Christmas Photo: And so it goes...

2011-12-26T11:06:00.003-05:00

The annual attempt to get a photo of the family at Grandpa and Grandma's house on Christmas Eve. When you add a third child to the mix, your chances decrease considerably. :)

And bless Grandpa's heart, I'm not sure one photo is in focus either.

And so it goes...

1st attempt (Berlyn refusing to look at camera)

2nd attempt (now in tears)

3rd attempt (we lost some shoes and are eating our hair)

4th attempt (smiles accomplished. their desired destination to land upon camera lens, unaccomplished.)

5th attempt (Almost got it! All smiles,

although 2 year old is eating finger and still won't look at camera...and kids still are lacking shoes)

6th attempt (getting squirrelly)

7th attempt (very squirelly!)

8th attempt (let's re-gather and re-focus team)

9th attempt (oh brayden!)

And there you have it...

the sequential quest to take that perfect family photo.

My expectations are low...for all who know me, you understand why I much prefer a candid "let's not try to pose" action shot.

But, still we attempt this Christmas Eve tradition.

Now to choose which one I'll actually print out and keep...

which one do you think best captures the Schrieber spirit?

Born King

2011-12-23T09:05:00.004-05:00

I love this time of year, the anticipation leading up to Christmas, the preparing of gifts and heart. Lately, as I have been reflecting on Christmas and Christ's humble entrance into this world for us, I couldn't help but recall an old Bible lesson from Beth Moore. I can't remember what particular study it is from, but it has stuck with me. In the book of Matthew, Chapter 2, the Magi seek Jesus. As the Wisemen from the East make their way to Jerusalem, they ask:

"Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star in the east and have come to worship him."

I remember Beth Moore pointing out a fact that nobody is "born" king...they may be born "prince" or "princess," but not KING. The Wisemen realized who he was. They came to Him, they gave to Him, they worshipped Him.

We, too, need to realize who we follow. This is no ordinary king. This is Jesus Christ, Lord and Savior, King of men and King of angels...King of KINGS.

As Mary did with ear, eye, and heart...I'm pondering. Today I ask, what will you do with the One who was born King?

the things i never thought...

2011-12-16T10:48:00.000-05:00

Life is interesting with a 2 year old around.

The things I never thought I'd be doing...like walking around the house with "stickers" on my legs.

Goodness!

(and last night she snuck away and painted her nails by herself in my bathroom!)

all "dressed" up...

2011-12-16T08:32:00.008-05:00

with no place to go

(on a chilly mid december morn)

redefining "fancy free"

(and learning quickly that it's ALL about accessorizing!)

being 2.

going on 10.

these are a few of her favorite things:

*her Nemo spoon

*Mickey and Minnie

*Elmo

*books, books and more books.

* "nice, warm milk"

*cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner

*her kitty

*singing "Jesus loves me" and saying "God bless daddy" prayers before each nap and bedtime

*Super Why and Caillou

*Justin Beiber's "Baby, Baby"

*eating at "At Donalds"

*cheddar bunny pretzels and fruit snacks

*confiscating my phone at any given time

*mac n cheese

*Polar Bear, Polar Bear

* "Around the House..."

* penny pony rides at Meijer

*her binky

*Thumper ("Bumper")

* "Chocolate!!!"

*dental floss

*her "owl pj's"

from a 2 year old's bird's eye view, life is good.

and from a few feet up,

i have to agree.

Fishing for gold...(and other jolly stuff)

2011-12-14T14:10:00.011-05:00

And what to my wondering eyes should appear?

But a miniature elf fishing for gold(fish) this morning right from our very own bathroom!

We could hardly contain the hilarity this morning,
with hushed giggles we found Buddy fishing with a candycane from our toilet! This is one "fresh catch" I have no interest in tasting!

Brayden was the first one up and was determined to document this scene via DSI camera.

Brooke, grumpy and bedhead, took part in this action too.

So thankful for wonderfully fun creative ELF ideas found on Pinterest.

I'm pretty sure parents out there (including us)

are having more fun with this than our kids are :)

And since we are in the spirit, let's move on to some other random jolly things...

Monday I picked the kids up from school and drove them over to Somerset to see Santa. I like going there because they let you take your own picture (for $5.00) After visiting Santa, the kids are each given a silk pouch and can pick out 3 coins from a treasure trunk to later redeem at various stores in the mall for trinkets or candy (that's where the $5.00 fee comes in). It's worth it. Plus, parents can put in a word or jot a quick note to Santa before the kids see him. In our case, I asked if Santa would mention our elf Buddy. The kids were surprised that Santa knew his name and asked about him.

[On a side note, I must say I was quite surprised at all of the primping and perfecting that many parents put into seeing Santa. Keeping hair in place and clothes free of wrinkle and crumb looked exhausting and not very jolly for the kids or the parents! My kids came tattered after a long day of school. No worries, no fixing, just plain 8, 6 and 2 as they are.

(please excuse the holey knee in brayden's pants. daddy dressed him and apparently, one of the 12 pairs of jeans with holes in the right knee that we keep as play pants in brayden's bottom drawer, found their way to his "acceptable pants wearing" drawer and then onto his body this early morning before school. And I like a little tatter and tear in some of my clothes, but this was epic crater sized hole. We did not fit in at Somerset..and frankly, I didn't care. I kept my sweaty gym clothes on from the morning and poneytailed hair, and we had so much fun! :)]

Berlyn on the otherhand, did not want to actually "sit" on Santa's lap. She was fine as soon as I took the photo and scooped her up. Then she told Santa that she wanted "Mickey and Minnie!" (but didn't understand why they weren't gifted right then and there) Brookie told Santa she wanted an iPod touch (surprise, surprise! she's only been talking about it for 6 months now). And Brayden told Santa he wanted the "Wii Monopoly game" (the first time he has even mentioned this as a gift idea? hmmm. Love it when they do that!) I'm not even sure if we took the kids to see Santa last year. I don't think we did, and it's not usually high on my priority list, but this year I have 3 little ones who all believe! I'm not sure how much longer I can say that. I wanted to take advantage...the innocence and excitement. I've been pondering of heart many moments this season.

So, why not take a trip down memory lane. This oughtta make Berlyn feel a little better.Brayden was definitely not a happy camper here.

(Yes, I am the mean mom that makes her kids sit on Santa's lap)

And the following year, when Brooke joined our family, he still wasn't very happy.

Brooke could've cared less. She's always had that "easy-going-go-with-the-flow" disposition.

Enough though about Santa.

While it is fun and exciting to give and receive gifts and to have fun with "Santa" and elves and all things jolly, the beauty and joy of the season begins in the heart.

In preparing Him room.

A place of residence

to stay and abide.

Joyful. Jolly. and

Loving me some Jesus today.

smiling's my favorite!

2011-12-11T19:03:00.006-05:00

We had a wonderful weekend.

A houseful of extra kids both Saturday and Sunday= a lot of noise, fun and happy times. Kids were well-behaved, schedule was laidback,

mood was high.

This was also the first time in a few weeks where I've actually felt more like myself.

Even keel.

Balanced.

Emotionally, spiritually, physically.

There's much joy in this.

And with much joy, there is much smiling.

So how could I not capture my happy girl in her happy attire.

Oh sweet Berlyn...

Today I am reminded of your life verse,

"Be JOYful always, PRAY continually,

give THANKS in all circumstances.

For this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

~I Thessalonians 5:16-18

Today I am thankful for many things...

Health. Family. Faith.

For a God who showed up.

And gave.

And gives...

Who's FOR us.

Loves us.

And smiles upon us.

Yes, today,

"smiling's definitely my favorite!"

Elf Mischief: Scene 1

2011-12-10T15:33:00.003-05:00

Earlier this week the kids woke up to great disappointment when they realized that Buddy, our Elf, had not moved overnight. (This is very much like the Tooth Fairy forgetting to come. Anticipation at night. Excitement in the morn. Disappointment when not delivered as expected.) Ouch and oops! The kids get so excited to "find" Buddy in a new location each day. He's been a family tradition since 2008, but this year, thanks to brilliant creative minds on Pinterest, Buddy has been getting into great mischief and the kids are loving it (i think mom and dad are too ;) Trying to think quickly on my feet to counter the disappointment brought on by an idle elf, Mommy suggested that perhaps Buddy was just feeling a little bit under the weather...? The kids bought it and Brayden even suggested that we leave out some cough medicine for Buddy that night. So we did...a little medicine cup and a straw must've done the trick, because the next morning, the kids woke up to Monopoly Mayhem!

Buddy was thick into a game of Monopoly with Barbie, Pikachu and Brontosaurus.

And, he even left us a note. We were right, he had been a little under the weather. The medicine was all he needed to feel better and get himself into mischief.

Brayden got a kick out of the fact that Buddy had Boardwalk...

Looks as if Barbie here thinks it's all about the "Benjamins" baby!

I dare to tell her she needs to work on modesty and proper "game-sitting" etiquette.

Yikes Barbie! As Brooke would say, "she's not very ladylike."

Pikachu sat content with a smirk and a "get out of jail free" card...

Hmmm...wonder what he has up his sleeve?

and Brontosaurus the Real Estate Mogul, with head held high,

looked as if he was staking out his next property move...

(I see two hotels down by his feet waiting for strategic placement).

This could get dangerous!

Ahh...fun times. I must admit this is the best I've felt in a few weeks. I woke up this morning with more energy than I have had in a long time. Coming down with a case of shingles was not my idea of December fun. Don't know much about their incubation period, but I am willing to bet that even while brewing inside of me, they had a lot to do with me feeling so all together lousy. I feel like I've missed out and I am determined to let that Christmas clock tick slowly. Christmas shopping complete. Decorations shall be finished this weekend. And with each passing moment I'm letting my heart prepare Him room.

Afterall, The Christ has come; let's celebrate!

thanksgiving 2011

2011-12-01T08:26:00.001-05:00

crash landing...

2011-11-29T08:04:00.006-05:00

Ouch!!! Did you hear that? That's just the sound I made after crashing from my Thanksgiving high with family. It's been a rough two days. It's always a little hard saying goodbye to my sisters and their families...but this year I think I needed them more than I realized, and after our time together was over, I crashed hard.

Here we are snuggling on the couch. We spent our entire Friday together in our pj's. Avoiding Black Friday and the shopping frenzy, we dug into my existing craft supplies and embarked on a craft project I'd been wanting to get started on for some time...

Clothespins turned into Christmas card holders

(to be placed on a line of ribbon for display).

All you need is a package of clothes pins, crafting paper, a stash of buttons or any other embellishments, a few stamps, a glue gun and an hour or so to craft away.

This past summer, while camping with a group of friends, a couple of ladies and I hit some antique shops and I found this lovely green shutter below. I thought Darcy may kill me when I brought it back to the campsite. We had already packed everything but the kitchen sink into our car for the out-of-state camping trip...I wasn't sure how he'd react to lugging home a large shutter that I wasn't even sure what we were going to do with. But the color drew me in and I knew I'd find purpose for it once we found a new home.

(and I should add that to my surprise, she immediately found favor with darcy)

For now, my Christmas card clothespins are hanging from it...

waiting for our first arrival to hang with anticipated loveliness.

Until then, she sits pretty.

And I can look at her from my crash landing position and think fondly of my weekend with my sisters, the quality time we spent together, and eagerly look forward to the next.

the "write" to feel...

2011-11-28T08:14:00.005-05:00

Ahhhh (or should I say "Ughhh"?)

Monday. Back to the grind.

It was a fairly typical Monday morning, perhaps we were moving a bit slower than normal...but the routine came back easily enough. The kids have been home with me for 5 days, so I wasn't surprised when Brooke got emotional this morning and didn't want to leave, saying she was going to miss me at school. For the most part, she is not my "sensitive-feely" one. She's more intuitive...and fiercely independent. Sure, she can throw on the drama, and can even add a splash of tears to thicken it all,

but this morning was different. I've been her mama long enough to know...

these tears came out of nowhere and fell fresh and real.

What struck me the most was how she reacted to it. I've been eyeing her closely these days. It seems she's changing right in front of my eyes. Others have noticed too...but usually these changes aren't as recognizable for us as parents who live day in and day out where gradual change is subtle and overlapping. Over the past month I've made mental note...as different as she sometimes seems from me, I catch glimpses here and there that she is indeed very much my daughter. So, this morning, as these tears spilled and stained my pajama bottoms from where she clung and embraced, she emerged onto the couch with pencil and notebook in hand and began to write. An unlearned tendency. She begged to take her notebook in daddy's car with her on the way to school so she could finish.

I understand this little girl. The need to write, to sort, to exhale tangled thoughts and feelings into letters, words and phrases that somehow magically untangle themselves in the process. A connection we share. This is precious to me...for not all can understand this type of "wiring."

From my phone, I grabbed a quick photo of her in the moment.

And before she took notebook away, I snapped a quick photo of her work.

To me, it's like a photo of her heart.

I reminded her that I would be in her classroom volunteering tomorrow...this padded the morning with a little comfort.

("I will miss you so much. Even if I still miss you (you) will be in my classroom tomorrow." she writes.)

I find notes everywhere that Brooke has written...

This morning, I walked around the house and took some photos of a few I randomly found

on her bedroom wall...

In a kitchen junk drawer...

In a pile of crafting supplies where cousins have played...

On the bathroom counter...

And even by her bedside...

All written with 6 year old innocence,

but a reflection of the beautiful heart God is molding...the life He is shaping.

I catch glimpses of her grown up. They both frighten and delight.

She feels. She writes.

This makes sense to her. It makes sense to me.

When happy, or mad ("made") or sad...she naturally goes to pencil and paper.

Much like her mama, God has woven her with the "write" to feel.

Thankful when He provides these glimpses that better allow me as a mom, to draw upon my children's tendencies of heart...to steer, nurture, direct and channel them to be all He's created and intended them to be. To appreciate the unique traits that make each one of them different, special, precious in His sight (and mine). With Brooke, I'm just glad I'm her mom and that there is a small corner of her world I will always understand. Today didn't usher in any "wow" moments, but it offered a few stolen moments that twinkled a bit with peace and flashed a comfortable grin upon my heart. Enough to keep me going on this Monday.

sunshine on a rainy day...

2011-11-27T16:04:00.006-05:00

my heart wrestles with melancholy this very day.

mirroring the dreariness of today's weather.

rainy. damp. dark.

perhaps it's the beautiful letdown after spending a wonderful long Thanksgiving break with my family.

my sisters and their families came out and stayed a few days with us while we hosted Thanksgiving at our house and invited a few more extended family members to join us. 19 of us under one roof on Thursday. sisters together for 3 whole days. cousins playing with reckless abandonment. house a disaster. bellies stuffed. hearts full.

and today the house seems empty. quiet. husband's working all day...has late night's every day this week. reality setting in. i know we have a long hard week ahead of us.

so, im keeping that head of mine above water, eyes forward, searching out the blessing, choosing joy even when the melancholy is heavily pulling underneath.

finding sunshine amidst the rain.

today after church i wanted to get a photo of brooke and berlyn in their new skirts i bought them at a craft show yesterday. (I saw them at the craft show the year before, and was determined to make them part of my budget this year. very "matilda jane." just darling)

so, i began to point, aim and shoot with the camera.

and with every click of the button, a little sunshine seeped into this rainy heart as my perspective readjusted and optimism and hope stood on the horizon of the flash.

i cannot look at these photos without my heart coming alive.

my girls.

one now napping, the other playing quietly behind me as i type away.

my boy.

hard at play in his bedroom, building a whole new world in lego, before we soon get started on a "weekend procrastinated" school project that's due tomorrow.

as melancholy tries to dampen my spirit, i'm taking a moment...

breathing in three matchless blessings in the form of 8, 6 and 2.

standing under the umbrella of His grace...

this is my sunshine on a rainy day.

too much...

2011-11-17T09:33:00.004-05:00

This morning's devotional. An appetizer to today's meal. Satisfying for the moment, yet filling me with a hope and desire for more...for what's to come. Spurgeon's words, filled with this hope, with truth and wisdom, are inspiration to our fields of faith. Years ago I wrote this quote in my Bible, today, I stumble upon it again in today's devotional and begin my day with this as my heart's prayer:

"Let nothing ever set your heart beating so mightily as love for Him."

Going about our morning routine, I stop for a moment, "Berlyn, I love you!" She replies, "No, Mommy. I your peach!" I respond, "Yes, Berlyn, you are my peach." And she ends with, "Too much. I love you too much mommy!"

Today Lord, may my thoughts for You be too much. May the drive behind my words and actions be You. Set my heart beating mightily for You...so that it feels I am bursting with everything that's of You. Overwhelm me with Your presence so that my heart cries, "too much Lord, too much."

"To Him be the glory forever! Amen."

~Romans 11:36

Big girl, Big bed, Big dreams!

2011-11-14T14:40:00.003-05:00

We have a six year old daughter who wildly sleeps like no other. Limbs sprawled and dangling, blankets and covers abandoned to the floor...a modest twin bed could not contain her. For quite some time we've wanted to move her into a larger bed and this weekend we finally did it!

We gave away our full size bed years ago and haven't gotten around to buying/finding another one for Brooke to use. However, Grandpa and Grandma had an extra queen size bed that they weren't using and we decided to give it a try (bedmaking in her room has not been easy since she tears it all apart each night with her fancy-dreamy- tossin' and turnin'). I found some clearanced sheets online and a body pillow cover to give it more of a "big girl" look. Her old bedspread fits like a charm. Her bedroom furniture is my old furniture; the headboard is for a full size bed, but I think it works! (and this morning it was a delightful breeze to make her bed...the covers hardly moved over night!)

More room for cuddles and snuggles, bedtimes stories and bedtime prayers.

"I can fit 10 of my friends in here Mama!"

That's my big girl, in her big bed, with big dreams.

Shine not just survive...

2011-11-03T14:15:00.011-04:00

Today I woke up with a heavy heart...this life brings discouragement and when we share life with others, we can't help but carry each other's burdens too. Sometimes, the hardest part about being discouraged is not knowing exactly what we ought to be praying for. I spent the wee moments of the morning, before the day beckoned my loved ones from their nestled slumber and warm beds, in His word and prayer. I instantly knew this was going to be a "fight back the tears" and "press on" kind of day. I was determined not to cry in Bible study, but brought my makeup along with me anyway, knowing that as much as I tried, every fiber of the DNA within me finds it hard to cover up the heart I too easily wear on my sleeve.

Anyone who follows my blog is aware of our journey, our desert season, and the struggles we've faced for the past couple of years. Recently, the Lord's laid heavily upon my heart the importance and effectiveness of having a deeper prayer life, and with that He is bringing clarity into exactly what things I should be focusing on (albeit they seem to keep changing daily!) Perhaps I'm confused, uncertain, or ignorant because my thoughts and feelings seem to be all over the map these days! But, I'm listening...

For a long time I was praying for deliverance from our circumstances. And over the course of that time, God taught me that my true joy lies in Him, not in what He can do or provide for me. A painful, yet great lesson learned. Then I began to pray for more of Him...I know the joy, the peace, the intimacy of sweet communion with Him and the more I tasted it, the more I craved it. Most recently, I've been convicted that I need to be praying that He increases our faith. We've surrendered our lives to Him and have been walking in obedience. I don't believe these are the heart changes He has been after. It's discouraging to be doing this though, and to not see His blessing. Our human nature wants to do what's right and then instantly be rewarded for it. Life doesn't always work out this way. At times I come to a place of acceptance, that perhaps this is our lot in life...perhaps this is the thorn in our side that shall not be removed. But, my heart tells me this is not the case and to persevere. And then I question whether or not my "acceptance" is actually a sign of defeat and perhaps I am not trusting or believing that He can or will do more. So, I've struggled with these issues, trying to strike a balance between acceptance/contentment and trust/belief.

I have full confidence in our future. I can look ahead with hope and excitement...but I am struggling with how to get through the "yuck of the now." I see how God could deliver us from our struggles and I feel I have just the right answer I am hoping He will grant. But my limited perspective is marred. I do trust that His ways are better than my own and that His thoughts are higher than mine. But sometimes it's hard to truly believe that in the "yuck of the now" He has our best interest at hand...that everything He is allowing us to go through is for our own good. Because, according to my plan...I see a much easier way! As much as I hate to admit it, perhaps in the depths of my heart I still have a hard time believing He is for us? At least for us "in the now." So, with this, my prayer life has shifted from asking for more of Him, to also asking the Lord to reveal what He wants us to learn and how He wants us to grow in this season...and for me to replace being idle in worry, doubt and discouragment with being active in prayer, praise and thanksgiving.

On the way home from Bible study this morning, Berlyn and I were jamming to some MercyMe in the car, and I began to let the lyrics of the music minster to my spirit. A definitive line in the song "This Life" delivers a message that hits straight to the heart..."we were meant to shine not just survive." How often do I float through this life in survival mode? Listen on..."It's in my heart. It's in my soul. I'll live every day just to make you known." Aha. A tiny bit of burden lifts as this truth sets in and His peace begins to chisel away a chunk of my discouragement. Perhaps I've had it all wrong. While it's not wrong to pray for deliverance, revelation, or even for more of Him, there's still something amiss if this is where my prayer life begins and ends. These things all revolve around and point to me; the common denominator in all of these requests has been me. Even when I want and ask for more of Him, it's still about me and my desires and how He can make me feel. If my ultimate goal was just Him, then why not pray for death where I could spend eternity with Him face to face? What's my purpose here on earth? It's really not about me. It's not about seeing Him and knowing Him for myself so that I feel better and stronger and can weather through the storms in this life. It's not about my spiritual growth, maturity and sanctification. My purpose here is to make Him known. To bring Him glory. Eyes off of myself. Eyes on Him. A life that points to Him and points others to Him.

So, in this season, as we wrestle with discouragement...please pray for us. Pray that whatever this life brings, that our focus and energy is in making Him known. That we fulfill the purpose He has called us to in bringing Him glory. I think this will be a pretty good place to start, and perhaps all of these other things will fall into line as a result.

I know there are prayer warriors out there reading my blog. Please know that I covet your prayers for our family. They are necessary, desperately desired, powerful and priceless.

Lord, I want so desperately to love and live well, beyond just surviving. Show me today, tomorrow and the next, with every breath I take, how to be a light that shines brilliantly for You.

Let me make you known.

A posture of prayer

2011-10-30T13:26:00.008-04:00

Over the past few weeks God has really laid heavily upon my heart the importance of prayer. At times, I haven't been able to decipher how and what this should look like, yet I hear His voice over and over again whispering "Come near, Draw near." And I've been doing this...alone...trying to obey and respond to His still small voice. And through obedience, study, prayer and praise, I sense He is calling me to so much more. Calling me to something deeper, something more intimate, something more purposeful and powerful. Even still, my hesitant and fearful heart feels burdened, at times panicked.

Today in church God painted a picture in my heart. I envisioned my life, a journey, a race. As if I am running through a thick forest of trees frantically seeking His face and His ways. Where sometimes there is a clear opening and I can see Him full on...and other times, I'm wildly running and the limbs of the world are thick and protruding, threatening to block my view, and so heavily weighing me down with trouble and worry that I can only see part of His face and have to strain to do so. In the past, I've lost sight of it altogether and have wondered if He is still there, if He is still for us. This is not my struggle now, my struggle is keeping Him in sight, free from distraction. Sometimes the lures of this world disguise themselves as leaves of beauty...earnestly fighting for my attention and affection, leaving empty promises to satisfy. Yet, they all too soon wither and fall to the ground, along with their fleeting beauty and failed promise to bring fulfillment.

The conviction of intercessory prayer (and prayer beyond just myself) persists. Yet the forest still remains. That tree of doubt next to that tree of discouragement, waiting for me to stumble and fall, to keep me down and cause me to lose sight all together. Connivingly working with the Enemy to deceive. And the Lord is saying, child, those trees will remain. Life will continue on as a forest. But, to seek me and find me you must crouch down. On your knees is where you need to be. It's in this position where you will find me. I haven't moved. I was. I am. I'm yet to come. I remain the same. Kneel down in this forest of life. It's there that the opening exists, The light shines through, uninterrupted by the limbs of worry and strife. They can't weigh you down while in this posture of prayer and humility. They don't grow downward and can't reach you while you're here, yet the Son will. Those troublesome limbs and distracting branches do grow strong and mighty. I'll show you the way through them, through this forest, through your doubt and discouragement, through your fear and weariness. The opening to light, the clear vision to My face and My ways begins on your knees. I'm bigger than those trees. I'm mightier than the oaks and higher than the cedars of the forest.

Pray.

I don't have the answers. Lord, at times I do not understand your ways or your plan for our lives. But your Word clearly states "do not lean on your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5). I'm following Your ways, but I don't always feel the blessing. In a posture of prayer, where I must mightily seek and acknowledge You, I'm trusting You to make my paths straight (Proverbs 3:6). I don't always know what to pray for, but you use others to speak to me and Your righthand man is seated next to You interceding on my behalf...filling in the gaps and spaces with mercy and grace. Where I lack wisdom and discernment, I have an all-wise Savior that covers me.

While it's going to feel uncomfortable, and at times inconvenient...I'm trying. I'm going to set aside my pride and stubborness, my idleness and feelings of fear and inadequacy. I'm replacing them with a posture of prayer...and the belief that I'll see His face shine more brilliantly than I've ever seen before. I sense something big on the horizon. Lord, lead the way.

A can of prayers...

2011-10-25T10:53:00.008-04:00

The kids and I embarked on a new craft project last night. I got this idea from my sister (I think she saw something similar on pinterest?) where you take a jar or can and turn it into a place to keep your prayers. You use an old soup can (ours; Cream of Chicken from last night's dinner), popsicle sticks (package of colored found for a $1.00 at Debby's Dollar), scrap paper to cover your can, and any other embellishments to jazz up your creation. Our crafting supplies all came from Debby's Dollar Store...the stickers and do-dads to make our label and the pleated ribbon ($1.00 for 25 yards of plush prettiness!)

The kids and I wrote down specific prayer requests and praises on address labels (easy to peel off and replace,) stuck them on each popsicle stick and placed them in our can. Many include things that we are thankful for, things we need help with, prayer requests such as safety for our friends grandparents on a 6 month mission trip to Zimbabwe, our sponsored child Upendo, for Grandma to have a safe and fun trip while in Philadelphia, healing of members of our church family with broken bones and cancer and struggling marriages, those affected by the earthquake in Turkey, and the family of the race car driver who just died.

At dinner time we took turns passing around the can, pulling out random sticks and praying together for these things. The kids got such a kick out of this and were so excited to do it again this morning over breakfast. Spiritually, it is helping them learn to pray, to ask God for the things we need and desire, to be thankful, and to think beyond ourselves. Educationally, it's been great for my budding first grader who is perfecting the art and skill of reading and writing.

Such an easy and inexpensive means to incorporate prayer into our daily lives in a creative and fun way. Truly a blessing we have all discovered.

You should try it!

A diamond in the rough...

2011-10-24T18:53:00.004-04:00

For weeks now I have been looking all over our house and asking family and friends if they've seen Brooke's hot pink sparkly sequin ballet flats. They have been missing and I've been at a loss wondering how a pair of such bright shoes could magically disappear off the face of the earth? It is Brooke's only pair of flats and semi-dressy shoes...she's got flip flops galore (which she can't wear to school), sandals (which have been too cold to wear to school), boots (that have been too hot to wear to school), and tennis shoes (which work on gym day, but don't offer the fashion statement she's wishing to send on most days of school). And even though these pink sparklies were only $14 at Target, they were sacred in this girl's life! :)

And guess what appeared on a sunny Sunday afternoon,

in the backyard,

buried in overgrown lawn and glittering among

blanketed leaf?

You guessed it!

Brooke's pink sparkly shoe!

and it came complete with an extra 3 pounds of water weight from all the rain we've had,

and a nice little worm that decided to make a fancy new home out of it.

But just one shoe appeared. I'm willing to bet one of the squirrels from our backyard village has carried away the other.

I can't tell you how many times I caught Brooke barefoot outside after leaving the house with shoes on. I should not be surprised.

I think someone in our house is learning a little something or other about responsibility.

Reminding me that we are all a work in progress. Our potential hidden at times.

Waiting to sparkle and shine with surprise.

Indeed, a diamond in the rough.

Goodness girl!

What am I going to do with you :)

Every moment a teaching moment...

2011-10-17T14:33:00.009-04:00

On the way home from church yesterday, Brooke became sold on the idea of having a lemonade stand in the front yard and quickly her entrepreneurial wheels began spinning.

Brayden was half in on it, not totally sold on the idea,

but it quickly became a family affair.

A little incentive never hurts.

Their second customer left an awesome tip!

($5.00 for two measly dixie cups of raspberry lemonade)

As the occasion began taking shape,

so did the conversations of our hearts...

Like the importance of taking care of your things and your business...

making them "pretty" and inviting.

How hospitality extends much farther than the four walls of your home...

that it's often an attitude, a posture of grace and "being a blessing".

The kids ran out of disposable cups, so we had to think quickly on our feet, we decided to offer our customers free candy and the option to wait for more cups to arrive (via Daddy).

This led to us brainstorming ideas for future endeavors...hot cider and donut stand, hot cocoa stand, giving away these things for free just to show God's love and put a smile on someone's heart. Not expecting anything in return, but still feeling joyful and fulfilled.

We talked about how important it is to be responsible and to keep things clean

(like the stash of wrappers from candy you've consumed

that is littered around your work space)

And to appreciate others and give generously...especially when it is unexpected.

And this last photo sums it up...a glimpse of

their last customer walking away satisfied and with a smile.

Such importance...the servant's heart of gratitude.

Our steady and continuous offer of thanksgiving.

Today was not a day of lemons, but we sure did make a lot out of our lemonade.

The kids earned $8.25 and learned a few important lessons along the way.

Colossians 3:23

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart,

as if working for the Lord."

This day was such an unexpected gift.

A tiny BIRTHDAY A tiny BIT LATE

2011-10-12T07:53:00.009-04:00

For Berlyn's 2nd birthday we decided to throw her a "tiny" party inviting all of her "tiny" friends. As posted previously, her party had to be postponed because Brayden was in the hospital...then came the move, school starting, etc. I already had everything ready for the party, so at the last minute decided to invite everyone over to our new home to celebrate Berlyn turning 2 before too much time had passed and I was busy planning another child's birthday party. (*note to self: although everything had already been purchased and created prior to party, do not plan on throwing a party when your husband is out of town unless you only want three hours of sleep the night before :)

Above is Berlyn's birthday invitation

(a mini birthday banner. you may need to click on to enlarge)

Below is a series of envelopes the invitations were delivered in

(the smallest one contained the actual invite).

I made these three dimensional doilies with all of the old scrapbooking paper I already had and they became the inspiration around her theme/color scheme. I actually made these before I even designed the invitation.

(saw a great DIY how to...my hanging doilies are made of paper, but the tutorial used fabric for the inner circle parts and placed them in a nursery above a crib. Very nice.)

We had a lot of "tiny" food for all to enjoy.

(To cut back on such a lengthy post, I collaged many of the photos.)

Although it's hard to tell in the photo above, those mason jar mugs (thank you Denise!) are actually mini ones and the forks and spoons inside were mini as well (found last minute at Kroger of all places? in the paper product aisle)

I re-used Berlyn's birthday banner from last year.

Mini treat bags for our tiny guests.

The next several photos I was attempting to get a really cute photo of Berlyn by herself. She's 2, very active and would not sit still or look at the camera, and kept giving off the goofiest grin. I didn't get that "one" shot I was hoping for, but several cute ones did emerge that capture her tiny spirit.

(well, that one above is pretty cute...probably the best one of the bunch).

Peek-a-boo!

Where are you?!

Big hugs to our tiny guests

Wishing the day would never end...

but happy to feel such BIG love.

2011-10-09T21:06:00.004-04:00

Today God served us Indian Summer on a silver platter...

A most gorgeous glorious day.

Breathing in fall.

The beauty of a new season.

One leaf at a time.

Pulling teeth...

2011-10-04T19:19:00.007-04:00

My "sweet" 6 year old girl came home from school today with an extra wide grin (and an extra wide gap in her mouth!) She lost her 2nd front tooth today somewhere in between reading, writing and recess. Before school this morning she was begging me to give her an apple today for snack, but I said no. (She was determined to lose this tooth, which did not seem close to being ready to come out if you ask me.) School pictures were today and I was trying to avoid the possibility of having a snaggle tooth hanging there for us to stare at in a frame on our mantle for the next year.

Dosen't she look pretty? I love the missing front teeth look. And this post could easily be about how cute and sweet she looks...but there's more to it than that! You'd think taking a quick picture would be a walk in the park, but it wasn't. A quick smile, flash and click of a button should take all of 30 seconds, right? Perhaps a minute tops if you have to accommodate for blinking, closed eyes or the like. But...taking a picture of Brookie today was more like pulling teeth! You would have thought I was literally in her mouth pulling the darn thing out myself by force. No walk in the park here. But, that's life. The simple easily becomes the complicated. The quick quickly turns into the prolonged. So, after a mommy timeout, a daughter timeout, and an actual walk in the park...we came home, tried again, and I got my shot.

Ahhhh...a day in the life of pulling teeth.

(literally and figuratively speaking, that is)

His gift of SILENCE

2011-09-27T09:34:00.004-04:00

Where do I begin? The rendering of emotion into word on page is not as eloquent at times. Today is such that time...but yet,with urgency I feel the need to write, to pour, to cleanse and reorganize. Not in poetic form, or attractive syntax, but in the spilling out of vulnerable awakened heart.

For a couple of weeks now I've grappled with a lack of peace. At first I attributed it to the move,the busy-ness of school and fall schedules and assumed that once we struck the chord of routine, that peace would return. But it didn't. This lack of peace has been gnawing away at me. I've been praying about it, trying to identify the source, reflecting on life, things, the condition of my heart. I haven't been able to quite put my finger on it until this morning.

You'd think that after a long season in the wilderness, that God's deliverance into a new home of our own, a new season in life, would produce nothing less than a peaceful heart. I function best when this heart of mine is stripped, transparent, raw and vulnerable. Lately, it's felt covered, masked, hidden. There is no peace in this.

So this morning, as I am giving Him the firstfruits of my day (an old habit I am trying to reintroduce to my schedule), before any other eye in the house has opened, I begin my Bible study. Our women's group is currently studying Kelly Minter's "No Other Gods: Confronting Our Modern-Day Idols." It's a study that a friend and I had begun a few summers ago, but hadn't finished. Sobering that some of my modern-day idols and struggles then, are the same ones I have today. Oh Lord, there's so much work to be done in me!

We began our study identifying what idols are in our lives. In biblical terms, "it is something other than God that we set our heart on, that motivates us, that masters and rules us, or that we trust, fear, or serve." These can be good things, like family and career...but an overattachment to these things, a dependence on them, allows them to become a substitute for God. When they consume us, we are making them our idols.

This week we are studying why we even have idols? What makes us choose them; why are they so appealing? A few of the reasons we are covering are: Identity (they can define who we are. example: Family, being a mother, etc. Career, being a provider, etc.), Need ("many of us run to idols because we are convinced they will bring us what we need"), Pain (we run to them when we are in pain), and Silence ("often when the Lord is quiet, or when He is not acting on our behalf in the way we thought or hoped He would, we decide that we are on our own- that we need to look out for ourselves.").

Only a paragraph into Day 4's homework on silence this morning, and the tears began flowing. I couldn't understand my extreme sensitivity, but allowed God to bring clarity by reading through the lesson in depth (twice), allowing it to sink in and penetrate, and by taking an up close and personal (and uncomfortable) look at my heart. My season of silence crisp on my mind. Deliverance just a short glance back in my rearview mirror. Tears flowing fresh in remembrance. I can relate so much to the Israelites. I felt like we were wandering in the wilderness for such a long season. Memories of a bitter, dark and lonely winter with pain that cuts deep. Feeling forgotten. Forsaken. That He was not for me. Such wavering faith, not able to withstand the harsh winds of circumstance. The doubt and momentary hopelessness. Ashamed of my lack of faith. Oh Lord, if done again, I pray I would handle such storms with more strength and grace. I see now, Your silence was my gift.

Kelly Minter writes, "Throughout scripture we see God silencing or removing Himself for a time for different purposes. Sometimes it was sin related, but often it had nothing to do with any wrongdoing on anyone's part; it was a test or a growth period for His children." My natural propensity is to assume God is punishing me. This season taught me firsthand that this is not always the case. This season allowed me to fully understand His goodness. The winter of the soul was for my good. The long drought. The waiting. The silence. It has all been for my good. I've lived out Romans 8:28 and His faithfulness overwhelms me.

And moving back to those Israelites...when Moses was on the mountain with God, writing out those famous 10 commandments, the Israelites could not wait for him to return and begged Aaron to make them idols to worship. In their season of waiting and silence, they turned to idols. Not only did they turn to idols, but they made the idols out of the gold that God had given them when they plundered the Egyptians and were finally freed from slavery. The gold God gave them as gifts (as if they needed more than freedom from captivity) was just another way God can pour out His goodness and unexpectedly lavish us with His love. Yet, they turned God's gifts into gods. How different am I?

The Lord gifted me with His silence to teach me that true joy is found in Him and not in what He can give or provide. That my treasure was Him and Him alone, not His blessings. My season of silence taught me that when all is stripped away, I am complete and full in Him, that nothing else really matters. I learned that He is indeed faithful...Faithful beyond measure. That His ways are better than my own. That He longs to bless us with His goodness. That our waiting is worth it because He works all things out for our good. That He is, in truth, FOR us. All things I knew with my head but needed to learn with my heart. His faithfulness is now engraved like a tattoo upon it. Lord, Your silence was a gift.

So, where does that bring me today? Why the fresh tears? Why the unidentifiable lack of peace? Yes, I am grateful for His gift of silence for all that it taught me and how it strengthened my faith. But the tears fell this morning in revelation to the fact that somewhere in the intermixing of silence and deliverance I have allowed life to crowd Him out of His rightful place on the throne of my heart.

Oh jealous God, One who will not share- I'm sorry I have unintentionally crowded You out. Allowing Your deliverance and gifts to shift my focus and priority in seeking You first. Letting "life" and "routine" and role of "wife" and "mother" and "homemaker" to swallow me. All good gifts that can too easily push You off Your seat. Consume me once again! Occupy every ounce of my heart so that there isn't an inch of room for anything else but You and You alone. Do not allow me to turn Your gifts into gods. To be consumed with the things you give (or don't give). If that's the case, take them away! I beg of you, remove them all! Make me barren and bare. Strip me down till I am naked and nothing...if what I desire more than You are the things you can give or provide. If I am consumed or preoccupied with anything but You, if I am not seeking You first...do what you will to bring me back to an authentic place of worship. Above material things, above peace, above comfort and security, above contentment and joy, above deliverance or change in circumstance- I choose You! The rest will follow as a result, and if by chance some of it doesn't, it shall not matter because my true depravity is when You are not occupying the throne of my heart.

I understand that my true joy lies in You. I can taste it because Your season of silence allowed me to acquire and crave it. It filled and satiated me in ways nothing else can. It left me salivating for more. I want that again. I don't desire what You can give. I desire You. I don't desire the things of this world that momentarily bring pleasure but too easily lead astray, I desire You. I know You want the same from me- not wanting anything less than my heart, my all.

Tears fallen this morning, bringing revelation and repentance. Leaving surpassing peace in return. A concoction that both exhausts and invigorates a sleepened heart. All birthed out of Your season of silence. Where else could I have learned to long for you? Your silence. A gift extraordinaire.

Exalting the One deserving of all my praise.

Join me.

Slingshots and Necklaces...

2011-09-22T20:47:00.008-04:00

(But not as you would imagine...)

Brooke has been taking pride in this slingshot she made a few days ago.

Tonight, she even made a special box for it.

I think part of her is after her Daddy's heart...the hunter and protector.

We started talking about how a long, long time ago, a simple, young (yet brave) boy named David allowed God to use him in a mighty way with nothing but a stone and a slingshot to kill a feared Giant named Goliath. Brooke wanted to know if the Giant was still alive,

and was disappointed ("Awe man!!!")

to learn that he was no longer, because she wanted to test out her prized possession on him.

My warrior princess.

And then we have my boy...

who, after school today nonchalantly tells me that a certain girl likes him

(and he likes her too).

I think he was testing the waters and wanted to see my reaction/approval.

As the evening progressed, so did Brayden's urgency and desire to make a necklace.

As if I should know this is top priority for a little boy on a Thursday night?

So, we quietly made this necklace together...he telling me where each and every bead should go while I helped him string them along.

While stringing and perfectly placing, our conversation expanded like our line of beads...

This necklace was for the girl that he likes.

Sweet innocence, yet a snapshot of his tender heart.

We have warriors and princesses in our household,

tonight their worlds intermixed and collided,

chasing and pursuing,

creating a beautiful story

that I'll tuck straight into the pocket of my heart...

on this ordinary Thursday night.

Home Sweet Home...

2011-09-20T16:52:00.001-04:00

(finally)

(snippets of some of our first moments in our new home)

New Places, New Spaces...

2011-09-12T09:10:00.004-04:00

This is a season of exploring and creating, exhaling and soaking in...

I still have to pinch myself sometimes to see if I'm dreaming or if we really do have our own place again! The 2 year wander in the wilderness has made this promised land that much grander, the milk and honey that much sweeter. For that, my heart is grateful.

With our new move, we have had fun checking out new places. I love, love, LOVE our new town! I had forgotten how much we loved living in a small downtown area. It resonates with my spirit and brings much serenity and joy to walk or ride bikes with the kids down quaint streets with historic beautiful homes and not have to worry about cars flying by at 50 miles per hour. It's nice to have hills and not have to look at strip malls and pharmacies on every corner. I love being able to walk to a restaurant for dinner with my family.

Darcy and I started out our marriage living in small downtown Dexter. We later bought an old 1920's home and renovated it in downtown Saline. We are so in our element here! I can't begin to tell you enough how good our God is...the waiting and the struggle have been worth it. His light at the end of this tunnel is shining brightly. Sometimes I feel blinded by it. I've been considering all that He has taught me over the past two long years. That will be another post.

For now, let me show you a few of my new favorite spaces.

Here's a bird's eye view of a vision that's been swirling around in my head for months! It has been so fun creating and bringing it to life. This is a wall designated for scripture and my kid's artwork.

I'm very pleased with how it turned out.

And here is a bird's eye view of another project that sat in my in-laws basement empty for two years.

Do you remember my post from mother's day 2 years ago? Darcy had bought me this antique cabinet. I've envisioned hanging it in my kitchen with cookbooks and kitchen/eating paraphernalia in it. I wanted to line the back of it with fun wallpaper (but i don't think it's necessary now) and put chicken wire in the door (which I'd still like to do).

It even has a perfect spot for Brayden's toothpick holder :)

And alas, another favorite space of ours is this charming treehouse in our backyard.

Welcome to pure childhood enchantment!

Lord, You are good and Your mercy endureth forever.

Thank you for these gifts.

I'm so undeserving.

Your blessings overwhelm me.

1st day of school!

2011-09-06T10:03:00.007-04:00

Summer is officially over!

(and boy did it feel like it this morning! Chilly!)

But, on an exciting note, I now have a

1st grader and a 3rd grader!

Today was Brayden and Brooke's first day of school.

I am so excited to say that we have finally moved! We don't have internet service yet at the new home, so you'll have to be patient in waiting for a future post in regards to this.

(I'm currently at Grandpa and Grandma's house doing laundry until my washer and dryer are hooked up)

We decided to keep the kids in their current school, despite the move and change of school districts. Daddy can take them every morning, which takes a burden off of me, and I will pick them up every afternoon. We are still deciding on whether or not to have them take the bus at Grandma's house (like they've done in the past) or if we will take them directly to the school which is a tad closer (and fight the parking lot). We have just wanted to keep as much familiarity into their schedules with all of these transitions.

Making silly faces for Daddy outside our new home.

My 1st grader posing at Grandma's house.

(she was itching to run to the bus stop here and did not want any more pictures taken)

We made it to Grandpa and Grandma's with time to spare.

It was a very rushed morning in general...smooth, but rushed.

This is probably the most unprepared I've felt for the 1st day of school. But considering the fact that we just moved 4 days ago, things are going well and I am a happy mama.

My handsome 3rd grader.

Daddy and his champ.

The kids waited and waited and waited for the bus.

It did not come?!

So, we hopped in the car and I drove them up to school

(as did all the other parents at the bus stop).

*turns out the bus was very very late. (over 20 minutes!)

Here's my boy sitting at his desk.

I pray this will be a great year for him.

Academically, third grade is quite a step up from 2nd grade,

but I am confident he will do fine.

He was really shy this morning.

Thankfully, his best bud and a couple of other friends are in his class with him.

And here is his new 3rd grade teacher:

Mrs. Cairns

(he did NOT want me to take this picture :)

Moving on to Brookie...

(could it get any better that my kids classrooms are directly across the hall from one another?

Made for an easy first day of school for me :)

My pretty first grader.

Brookie walked right onto her classroom with no inhibitions.

I think it helped that Brayden had Ms. Querro for 1st grade. Brookie was a preschooler at the time and tagged along to many functions. So she is somewhat familiar with her.

Brooke also has two good friends in her class with her: Sami and Katie!

I am so very glad and thankful that Brooke got Ms. Querro for a teacher!

I put in a request for her late (like on the last day of school!) and I never heard back from the principal. All summer long I had no idea if my request would be honored.

We found out last Thursday that she was assigned Ms Querro!

Thank you Lord! ...I prayed about this many times over the summer.

It feels like He has smiled upon us lately in big and small ways.

He is good.

Brookie and Ms. Querro

One last shot of my 1st grader.

In their classrooms...at their desks...

no tears from any of us!

(that's the first!)

So far,

we are off to a good start!

What a whirlwind!

2011-09-01T00:42:00.014-04:00

Last week was a complete whirlwind.

One of those experiences you come out of and say,

"Wow! I can't believe that just happened!"

Amanda D. and I took the kids to the zoo on Friday. Friday night my mom came into town to spend the night with us. Saturday Dana and Abby were in town from Arizona and my in-laws were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. We had a BBQ that day and Brayden moped around a bit, not very energetic, but I figured he was just tired from our zoo trip the day before. As the day progressed, he seemed to be feeling worse and by Saturday evening he began vomiting. This continued all through the night and by early Sunday morning he was miserable and complaining about pain. I was not surprised after the night he had had and I was worried he was becoming dehydrated. We've been parents long enough to sense when something seems a bit off. This was one of those times both Darcy and I felt that something just wasn't right and we decided to take him into the ER at Troy Beaumont hospital that morning. He was admitted and Sunday grew to be a day of severe abdominal pain and repeated vomiting. No fever. They took X-rays and ran a few tests and thought he probably just had a virus that needed to run its course. I had never seen a virus like this before.

Darcy spent the night with Brayden. In the morning, I was surprised to hear that Brayden's conditions had worsened over night and his pain had become more severe. He was up all night retching and writhing in pain. I rushed to the hospital and wasn't even there 10 minutes before I was stricken with worry and heartache over seeing my boy so miserable. It wasn't right. They gave Brayden morphine when he was first admitted, but couldn't give him anything stronger than Motrin after that first dose. It clearly wasn't working. Crying at the nurses station, I begged for answers and relief for him. They agreed that with a virus, come day 3, Brayden should be showing signs of improvement, that there shouldn't be so much pain associated with such a virus and the vomiting should have ceased. His blood pressure was consistently high and his pain seemed relentless. He was crying out "I'm in terrible pain! This is too much pain! Too much pain!" At one point he was screaming, "Help! Help! Someone help me! I give up! I give up!" and asked me if he was going to die. These bouts of pain were too frequent and had been going on for over 24 hours. A GI specialist came to see him and they all decided that Brayden needed to be transferred to a higher care setting. Monday morning we rode in an ambulance to Royal Oak Beaumont's Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. They gave him one more dose of morphine before we left and this made him momentarily more comfortable.

And it's here we began a series of tests trying to figure out what was wrong with our boy. More X-rays, an Upper GI, a CT scan, and an

esophagealgastroduodenaloscopy.

(yes, that's one word...i made the nurse write it down for me and told her it was worse than

supercalifragilisticexpealadocious!)

I can look back and smile about it now, but at the time, we were all very worried about Brayden. This was by far our worst parenting experience ever. No seven, almost 8 year old should be in so much pain that they need to be on morphine every 2-3 hours for 3 days straight. And with no answers as to why, I was growing increasingly frustrated. I felt like it was taking too long to order the tests and that I was getting conflicting information from various medical staff. It honestly felt like we were on an episode of "House" where there was a team of doctors around his bedside discussing possibilities, scenarios of what he could or could not have, and what to do next...

Tuesday morning I tried to stay calm but expressed my frustration and worry.

They explained to me that some of his tests had ruled out a lot of things, such as appendicitis, obstruction, malrotation, Kawasaki disease, etc. It was then that they told us they thought Brayden may have something called

Henoch-Shonlein Purpura.

HSP is basically a self-restricting vascular disease. There are three characteristics that go along with this condition: 1) rash 2) abdominal pain 3) swelling of the joints and arthritic pain. Over time, the worse case scenario is kidney failure.

They said Brayden had a typical atypical case...that no two cases ever presented themselves the same. Over 95% of cases include the rash. Brayden did not have a rash. But, only 56% of cases present with a rash as the first symptom, so they kept checking his body to see if there were any developments. They did find blood and an ulcer in his stomach, which is not uncommon with retching. They also found fluid around his kidneys, stomach, liver and hip (which supported the inflammation/vasculitis characteristic of this disease.)

Another possibility was that Brayden had an intussusception (when the intestine collapses inside of itself...think of a telescope that collapses. the intestine gets ahold of another part of the intestine, latches onto it and pulls it inside itself.) It can cause a lot of abdominal pain, almost like contractions in childbirth. It also can resolve itself on its own. After the CT scan, they saw swelling of his intestine in an area, but not enough evidence to suggest an intussusception. And, an intussusception at his age could suggest lymphoma.

On Wednesday, I finally felt like I was beginning to get my boy back! He was sitting up in bed, alert, carrying on a conversation, and going 5 hour stretches with no pain medicine. I saw a spark back in his eye and all he could talk about was food! He was affectionate and smiley and it thrilled me to pieces that my son was getting better. We had prayer warriors from coast to coast and I know that the Lord heard these prayers and answered them quickly. I felt His presence there, and despite the worries and possibilities, there was a peace He gave me during this time.

Wednesday was pet therapy day and we were tickled to get to meet a sweet little mini 12 year old dog named "Patty." We also played 4 games of Uno (he smoked me in three of them),

a partial game of Monopoly (he was still getting really tired and needing breaks), and we built 1/2 of a Lego ship. To see Brayden comfortable and relieved from pain brought such joy and thankfulness to this mommy's heart.

Wednesday afternoon they gave Brayden the "go" to take a walk.

Freedom! (and a temporary break from all the tubes,wires, machines and monitoring)

This was a happy day.

And a very happy Mama.

Thank you Lord,

for hearing our cries.

Brayden played for a little bit in the children's garden center play area...

but quickly grew fatigued and needed to be carried back to his room.

I didn't mind. ;)

After his scopes, he was given the clear to eat...

AND they said that if everything looked good and he could keep his food down and his pain was under control, then we could go home the next day!

Over the 5 days Brayden was in the hospital, we had many visitors, helpers,

texts, phone calls and emails. Words really cant quite describe the gratitude my heart feels for everyone who supported us and stood mighty in prayer during this time. What a service and blessing this was to our family. I've always believed in the effectiveness of prayer, but to experience it in this way was powerful.

It's agonizing to see your child in pain and to be helpless. So many times I just wished I could have taken it all away from him. I would've in a heartbeat.

My focus was completely on my son and getting him well.

(but i sure did miss my girls)

Thursday was Berlyn's 2nd birthday. I had to cancel/postpone her birthday party that day and we set up shop in Brayden's hospital room to celebrate. Here we are blowing out two candles that stood in a cup of ice cream.

Happy Birthday Yummy!

And wouldn't ya know she was given the BEST birthday present ever...

A healthy brother coming home!!!

***(At discharge, the HSP diagnosis was still the forefront of the doctors opinions, although not definitive. Brayden will be followed up. However, something in my spirit tells me he does not have this. Perhaps it's denial, but I do believe it's a peace the Lord has given me.)

It was definitely an evening of celebration.

Which included a "Frosted Flakes" dinner,

a store-bought Kroger cake,

(picked up on the way home from hospital)

and gifts purchased the day before in the hospital gift shop.

Life doesn't always go as planned.

But sometimes things happen and it helps us to see the beauty and importance in things that truly matter. Life. Family. Love. Relationships.

It also gives us an opportunity to glorify God,

for us to depend and trust in Him completely,

for Him to shine through us and others,

and for Him to demonstrate His love and sovereignty.

He is faithful and good.

There is no word in the dictionary that can adequately define who and what God is.

My mind cannot fathom.

My lips cannot articulate.

But my heart feels it, knows Him,

and is full.

Father, Healer, Friend.

Thy hope, thy confidence,

let nothing shake!

Again friends,

REJOICE WITH ME!

Now if this doesn't make you laugh...

2011-08-28T18:19:00.005-04:00

Checking out our soon-to-be new home this past weekend, we were gone much longer than planned and had forgotten to bring a binky with us. Before we knew it, we found ourselves getting acquainted and eating lunch at one of our "new" downtown diners and had a very tired, overdue-for-nap, about-to-meltdown two-year old on our hands.

Darcy went into a novelty/gag store next to the restaurant and for $8.00 found this one-of-a- kind binky.

Lovely, huh?

And if this doesn't make you laugh?

Then this certainly will!

Yummy has decided this is her new favorite binky.

And,well...goggles certainly complete the look

wouldn't ya say?

(I knew I could get you to laugh!)

I love me a side of hilarious to go along with the "dreaded" terrible twos.

2011-08-18T20:57:00.000-04:00

Oh, so FAITHFUL!!!

2011-08-17T13:07:00.005-04:00

Words cannot describe how overjoyed my heart is right now. Many who follow my blog are familiar with our journey...we've been living with my in-laws for almost two years now after making a radical, yet conscious decision to leave our home to help out family and pay off debt from a failed business. This has not been an easy two years. In fact, since the loss of the business, we have endured hardship, sacrifice and much turmoil at times (emotionally, spiritually and financially). Our original plan was to stay with my in-laws for approximately a year...but then God had other plans when he led us into a career move a year ago, and halted our plans in leaving their home anytime soon. I have struggled with feeling forgotten by God...that He isn't for us and hasn't heard my desperate cries. Countless times I've fallen on my knees in prayer sobbing to Him the desires of my heart. As a mom, a wife, a homemaker, my longing for our own space and a home of our own has literally caused an ache in my heart that at times nearly suffocates me.

We have been looking for a home to rent for months now. There is hardly ANYthing out there. We extended our search to another county, bumped our price up on several occasions after taking in the stark reality of the housing market right now (homes galore to buy for a steal. but scarce amount of rental properties with outrageously high monthly rent. expect to pay a mortgage payment.) Pretty much anything that is on the market to rent is scooped up quickly. We've had a couple of occasions in which we wanted to view a home and before we even got a chance to, the home had already leased out. We've grown disheartened and weary with this whole process to say the least.

Last week I nearly had an emotional breakdown. Well, OK, I did. Ask my sister...I had to escape and took the kids to her place for two nights just to get away. I was angry, tired, feeling at my wit's end with life circumstances. My patience was so thin and I was on the verge of tears 24/7. I just felt like I had no more strength to keep pushing through this season in life, that I couldn't possibly take one more step forward without help. Those thoughts that darkened my perspective this past winter crept back in and tried to convince me that God was not for us, that we were forgotten. I know this wasn't true, but boy did the enemy want to convince every bone in my body that it was. All the while, through the anger and weariness and discouragement, I was still praying and trying to trust that God would lead us to the right house at the right time.

Yesterday, a new listing came up for a rental. The owner had dropped the monthly rent by $500.00 that day! We loved the photos and asked to go see the home that day (knowing how quickly they are leased out). I fell in love with the house immediately. Immediately. So did Darcy, and so did the kids. We have looked at many homes and I have not been excited about any of them. And the kids haven't either (making statements like "I don't want to live in that house mommy.") This one made my heart skip a beat. We weren't looking for a huge perfect mansion, but a home we could be comfortable in...a home we could envision our family settling into for the next couple of years. It all just seemed too good to be true. We talked, got all our paperwork together last night and placed an offer on the home this morning (asking for even lower than the already dropped price.) I tried not to get my hopes up, but I was so excited. I tried not to feel anxious, but there were just so many details that needed to be worked through before any of these things could be approved.

Late this morning they accepted our offer and we are moving into our own home September 1st!!! Did you read that right? We are moving into our own home September 1st!!! I took the phone call and received the news while I was at the gym. I literally had to go into a bathroom stall in the ladies locker room and quietly sob long, hard, tears of joy. I still cannot believe it, and I am still crying tears of joy. This has been a long time coming.

God, oh so faithful, never forgot our family, He heard every desperate cry from my heart, He knows my deepest longings and desires, and He surprised me in a way I never could have ever expected or imagined. All of His "no's" were because He had a much grander "yes" for us. This home by far exceeds any expectation I had for our family. It's "Amanda" all the way through...built in 1927, but had an addition put on 7 years ago and many updates......hardwood floors throughout...in a quaint downtown area. Charming. Perfect. And ours in just two short weeks! I am so giddy I feel like I am walking on sunshine.

Lord, I am so humbled by Your goodness...Your faithfulness moves me to tears. I've been so unfaithful to You, and undeserving of your mercy and grace. Your Word is truth. It's life-giving. Your promises do not fail. You are working all things out for our good. I have clinged to this truth throughout this season in life. Thank you, Faithful One...for not forsaking me in my weakness. For answering above and beyond my wildest expectations. I know that You are for me. I love You so.

Thank you to all who have poured prayer over me and my family over these past two years. My heart is in extreme gratitude. Once we get settled in, we are having a party and you are all invited! Although, it will not be called a "House Warming Party"...it will be called a "He is Faithful" party.

Here's a sneak peak:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

REJOICE WITH ME!!!

Do not!

2011-08-05T18:28:00.004-04:00

There are so many "DO NOTs" to this picture...

where do I begin?

I'll start and end here:

DO NOT ask your 6 year old to keep an eye on your almost 2 year old while attempting to take a quick shower.

Dripping wet, this is what I came down to witness.

(*it's no surprise that she found this cupboard.

this is where we hide her binkies :)

Look at that smile.

Oh, she's a sly one.

Beautiful Things

2011-08-03T22:29:00.006-04:00

This has become my new favorite song over the past week, week and a half. I had a really rough day yesterday...struggling with discontent and having trouble seeing past my circumstances. We've been living with my in-laws for almost 2 years now and most days I am OK with this (knowing we are on the brink of having our own place again)...but there are some days where it feels as if the walls are closing in around me. That I am nearly suffocating. That I don't know how much more of this season I can withstand. This was my yesterday...stress, weariness, discouragement, doubt. I could sense those lies and feelings creeping into my mind telling me that God is not for us, that He's forgotten us. Had to listen to my "praise" playlist over and over again to reinstate His truths into my marred perspective. Frustrating at first because if you read my previous post, I was bathing in His peace but only a breath ago. How can one drastically slide from a place of peace to a place of utter blah? I so wish we could store up His grace, but it simply cannot be done. Daily; we must gather it daily...I'm just an Israelite in the desert in need of gathering my manna each and every day. There is no storing it up. If there were, we'd lose sight of our dependence on Him and our utter need for Him with each and every breath. This song speaks to me in volumes. Each time we backslide or find ourselves in the dust and wreckage of our lives, He whispers to us, "Let me make you new. Let me make beauty from your ashes, from your dust." Lord, I thank you for this day...which was much better than the one before. Your mark was on it. May the ground and dust of my life grow to bear fruit for you. Water this dry garden and make it beautiful (for You).

Peace Attendeth...

2011-08-01T10:14:00.010-04:00

I celebrated my 36th birthday on Friday (ouch! the "closer to 40 than 30" thing stings a bit). But that's OK, despite the added wrinkles, each new year of my life I like better than the last. It's an upward climb spiritually and relationally. Those things matter.

I'm embarrassed to admit that Darcy and I have not been anywhere alone together in over 4 years! I guess between a new baby, a new home and a new career, time and years have slipped on by. This weekend we were blessed to get away. Friends of the family own a couple of cabins up north on the AuSable River. We left Friday afternoon for a weekend getaway.

Just. the. two. of. us.

Below is a photo of the cabin we called "home" for the weekend.

It sat secluded, smack dab in front of the AuSable river.

(the next two photos are our view from the cabin)

As clear and clean as can be.

We had such a relaxing time,

free of distraction and interruption and the noise that life can bring.

Those northerners enjoy a much slower pace of life,

and it was widely welcomed here.

On Saturday, we kayaked down the beautiful AuSable River,

taking in views that put gorgeous to shame.

This was by far my favorite part of our whole weekend.

I finished feeling very centered and peace-filled.

While kayaking away down the AuSable, lyrics to the song "It is Well With My Soul" immediately began playing over and over again through my mind..."When peace like a river, attendeth my way..."

Inspired. Words and imagery and thoughts flooded my mind with such persistence throughout that whole trip. I'd blurt out phrases and snippets to Darcy along the way. When we were done, I wrote them down and shaped them...trying to capture in word, the experience that was so refreshing in spirit:

Peace attendeth...

Ore hits water, and current moves us.

I quiet my heart and calm overtakes me.

Do You hover here?

We paddle our way into a crayola box of green and brown,

Hemmed in among wooded towering forest of cedar.

The river takes us where it wants,

as if it has a story to tell,

knowing where to run and where to lap and rest.

Here, I find rest in You,

and Peace attendeth.

Amazed that branch knows where to grow and where to drink

in the place You have assigned for them.

Nature as intended. Raw. Untainted. Synchronized.

In step with Your Spirit,

and Peace attendeth.

A place where trout finds home and bird lifts songs of praise,

pouring forth speech, declaring Your glory.

Free of the uninvited interruption of man and world.

I share in this freedom,

and Peace attendeth.

Dragonfly frolics with cattail and lavender thistle,

flirting in playful dance of deep midnight and peacock iridescence,

gifting us with a splash of vivid for miles upon riverbank.

Reminding me of life, movement, and revival.

You move in me,

and Peace attendeth.

Wildlife hides in the stillness and quiet of shaded forest.

Where pine needles crunch and twig crackles,

yet nothing is hidden from You.

You listen to my heart,

and Peace attendeth.

I gaze at the rolling clouds,

owning the sky in magnificence,

proclaiming the work of Your hands.

The river, belonging to You,

claps her hands in song.

The earth is satisfied by the fruit of Your work.

Fallen birch takes it's final rest upon

life-giving, thirst-quenching familiar waters.

I drink of Your living water,

and Peace attendeth.

We navigate around bends of river,

love languages whispered and met in unison,

spirits effortlessly connected

as we draw close to creation and Creator,

and Peace attendeth.

Unfailing love rests upon us.

Our hearts rejoice.

Rest and gratitude overflow,

and Your Peace,

like the river,

attendeth.

Later Saturday afternoon, we decided to take a short drive into a nearby town. We were pleasantly surprised to stumble upon a celebratory main street booming with locals, vendors, a street fair and the hype of their 64th annual AuSable River Canoe Marathon.

I guess there are only 3 international canoe marathons. This is a 120 mile race that begins at 9:00pm with racers canoeing through the darkness of night, enthusiastic about their chances of winning a $50,000 cash prize.

Apparently, many train all year round for this event. We heard they average one paddle/stroke per second! It was very exciting to spectate. The racers lined up their canoes on the street and had to run and carry them 1/4 mile before dropping them into the river.

(click on photo above to enlarge. the intensity is apparent)

After the excitement of the race, we made a sweet escape back to the quiet of our cabin and enjoyed the rest of our weekend

soaking in each other,

creation and our Creator.

It was everything I needed

(and much more.)

Saved.

2011-07-28T23:03:00.006-04:00

On Monday, May 18, 2009, my son Brayden was saved. I've been a praying mom. And yesterday my prayer was answered. Wednesday, July 27th, 2011, my daughter Brooke was saved. I forgot to take a picture of her afterwards, but before the clock struck midnight,this mama remembered and I snuck into her bedroom and grabbed a snapshot.

Fitting.

the Peace that surpasses all understanding...

those who are in Christ are blessed to receive in abundance

(even in slumber).

Sweet, sweet, heavenly dreams child.

Daughter of the Most High King.

Grace, Salvation, and Heaven "with a roller coaster"

2011-07-27T23:26:00.008-04:00

tonight the Angels sing and this mommy's heart dances.

all because of a 6 year old little girl.

an open heart. a sincere prayer.

and Love so amazing.

after many Seeds planted,

all it took was one simple Confession.

one simple Declaration.

and one simple Request.

but what was gained was

Gift extraordinaire.

beyond comprehension.

Grace amazing.

Salvation.

Life Eternal.

And Heaven (according to Brooke,"with a roller coaster.")

Wednesday, July 27th, 2011

Brooke Ryan Schrieber

Age 6

has accepted the gift of salvation and has asked

Jesus to come into her heart.

This day forever will be marked on mine.

My daughter, now my sister,

just made

the. Best. Decision. Of. Her. Life.

(if you haven't yet made this decision for yourself, you must. God is pursuing you. Waiting for you. Longing for you to give your heart to Him. To live for Him. To follow Him.

Invite Him in; I beg of you. It'll be a life-giving decision and your absolute greatest joy.)

John 3:16

Lord, grow in Brooke a heart that yearns and seeks to know You, to love You, to serve You, to please You, and to follow You with all that she is, for all the days of her life. And Lord, equip me, as her mother, to spur her on...to be an example...and to lead her to walk in your ways.

Can I get an AMEN?!

HALLELUJAH!

What a SAVIOR!

A window of loveliness...

2011-07-23T16:15:00.021-04:00

My desire to decorate, create, and transform is

at an

all-time volcanic high.

I have ideas up the wazoo for bedrooms, kitchens,

kids rooms, wall decor, fleamarket

finds,

antiques, trash to treasure projects, and labors of

love.

We looked at a couple of homes

this

weekend. I think the fact that we may soon have

our

own space, a canvas for me to

explore

and create, is the catalyst to this bubbling

obsession.

Earlier this summer I picked an

old

farmhouse windowframe for $3.00 at an estate

sale.

I've had several ideas floating

around

regarding what to do with the frame,

but I must say I find this one below quite

charming.

Brookie does not have a headboard on her

little twin bed.

I think the ol' windowframe

will appreciate being looked through

once again

with such fullness and fondness...

to be the center of sight and view,

a frame for beauty,

(a job she's most accustomed to),

no longer discarded or forgotten,

but purposed again

to bring beauty and life into a room.

Is this not the most darling

whimsical sweet treat you've seen in a while?

Truly, a window of pure loveliness.

Source: thebooandtheboy.com via Amy on Pinterest

Weeded wonderment, of finest bloom...

2011-07-21T14:52:00.010-04:00

On the way home from tennis practice this morning, Brooke and I had no choice but to pull our car over to pick some wild beauty for ourselves. It was as if the flowers themselves were crying out in heated anguish, begging for an invitation

under the umbrella-ed shade of our humble home...

where petal finds rest and stem finds refreshing drink.

It also gave me a chance to use my charming mason jar pitcher

(ten cent estate sale find)

(and the new green toothpick holder Brayden chose for me at an antique mall last weekend...handpicked via "eenie-meenie-miny-mo")

Queen Anne's Lace kindles memories of long walks

down dusty country roads,

where gravel and potholes find comfort and home being wrapped and outlined beside your kind.

Today we find childhood and delight in a glass jar.

A piece of heart's home.

They say one person's trash is another's treasure.

While considered a noxious weed in some parts of the country,

I beg to define your weeded wonderment, dear Queen Anne's Lace,

as nothing less than the finest bloom.

Thank you for sharing your simple beauty with us today.

Summer's fate...

2011-07-19T23:29:00.009-04:00

Summer is BuSy! Equally high-paced and easy-going. I love the season. The warmth. The bloom. The fullness. The fancy free mood that permeates each day. The ripened ability and choice to go or stay, to run or sit, to observe or partake. The lack of schedule and routine is freeing. But, with it, the late nights fashion late mornings and long days on end spent with three of my favorite little people means I have less time for myself, for quiet, for devotion, and my soul thirsts to abide. Is it possible for one to thirst one way while being refreshed another? I mustn't complain. I'm finding contentment in this season knowing the search for His peace and presence must be sought with more creativity and persistence than before.

And in the midst of that yearning, I'm grabbing hold of those moments of calm, in between the busy spontaneity of summer freedom and delightful disarray to pause and take notice of the life around me and the minute, yet magnified graces I too often hurry past...

Where giggles billow.

And freckles dance.

Where up close and personal,

without shame,

and begging to be recognized,

blessings are bared.

Summer's fate has unfolded.

Breathe it in.

4th of July weekend ~2011

2011-07-06T16:18:00.003-04:00

We had a fun-filled 4th of July weekend. This vimeo captures the first half of it! We spent time out in Saline at my mom's house swimming and playing...and then we drove out to Tecumseh for a campout at my sister's in-loves house and returned back to my mom's the following day for another quick swim before returning back home (with sister and family in tow) for a church picnic and another day of celebration. We ended our weekend on this side of town with a day on the boat, soaking in the sun and waves on the lakefront with my favorites. Extended fun with extended family = extended joy. Happy 4th of July to you and yours!

banner over me is LOVE...

2011-06-23T16:20:00.007-04:00

Years ago my mom made birthday banners for my sister(s) for one of my nieces or nephews birthday parties.

It's something I've wanted her to make for our household for quite some time,

and this year, we were given oodles of banner to adorn our celebrations.

Prior to making them, I asked my mom to hodge-podge scrap fabric together...

I didn't care if it matched or coordinated, I just wanted some of the pieces to have meaning.

I asked her to ask my grandma if she had an old shirt of my late grandfather's that we could use for this project (the beloved patriarch of our family).

I was more than smitten with the results.

This piece of fabric above is from my Gramps' pajamas.

And this one above is from one of my Grandma's dresses

(i have memories of Gram wearing this very dress).

On Brooke's very first birthday my Mom made her a dress.

This scrap piece above is a remnant of this dress.

(Believe me? Take a peek below)

(birthday girl brooke)

As is much of what my Mom creates,

these banners are dear to me.

You cannot help but want to celebrate LIFE and celebrate LOVE

when they hang above.

Thank you Mama Jo

for all you create

and sew (sow) into our little world.

"God is God, he has bathed us in light. Festoon the shrine with garlands, hang colored banners above the altar! You're my God, and I thank you. O my God, I lift high your praise. Thank God—he's so good. His love never quits!"
~Psalm 118:25-27

"toad"-ally belonging to summer

2011-06-22T11:51:00.001-04:00

embracing summer.

belonging to her.

enjoying her ways.

Live. Love. Dance.

2011-06-20T13:57:00.013-04:00

A week and a half ago Brookie had her first dance recital with "Gotta Dance" studio. She performed in 2 numbers (ballet and jazz) in two recitals. They allowed parents to record the performances during the dress rehearsal. The vimeo below is just that (it took me a minute to locate her for the first number, so bear with the moving camera :)

After watching her cousin Natalie perform in a dance recital in May, Brooke has been geared up and ready for her own dance recital.

Grammy Jo came into town for the first recital.

Backstage dancing divas

Mommy and Daddy were so proud.

Brooke performed in both numbers with her BFF Kaitlyn.

Both girls did great. If you look closely, you can see Kaitlyn in the vimeo as well. (This was my first time watching the performance. It was hard enough for me to locate my own daughter, but you can spot Kaitlyn in both numbers... She's a couple of girls over from Brooke).

Grandpa and Grandma came to both of her shows.

And we had many other friends come watch too

(not all pictured here)

the girls were showered with flowers after the 1st show

and ready to do it all again a couple of days later

Auntie Em and Natalie came to the last recital

[and we all went to the Taylor Swift concert later that evening (check previous post)...I told you I would be posting in reverse!] What a busy week we had!

Overall, she had a great year of dance.

We loved this new studio and are getting ready to sign her up for a couple more summer classes.

Thank you to everyone who came out to watch and support Brooke.

This means a lot to her (and to her mama).

Livin' out this year's theme:

Live. Love. Dance.

Enjoy!

daddy's love

2011-06-19T08:08:00.003-04:00

today is father's day.

this picture was taken earlier this week, with no intention of posting it...

but this morning, as the household slumbers away,

my heart is drawn to its tenderness.

a window shedding light onto the role of daddy.

darcy's has more late nights than not and there are times that as i am tucking the kids into their beds, a few tears will be shed out of missing him and pure tiredness. the beginning of this week, this was brooke. she begged me to tell daddy to rock her when he came home from work, so we left him a note. and that's just what he did. he took his 6 year old little girl into his arms and gave her just what she needed...daddy's love.

the role of a father cannot be measured.

it's marking engraves the tender heart.

thankful today for the man my kids call daddy.

happy father's day.

First and Last...

2011-06-16T14:28:00.003-04:00

Here's a quick glimpse of our first and last days of school.

It's been a great year (and we survived!)

(waiting for the school bus in the morning)

(just got off the school bus and arrived to school)

(started as a kindergartener...ended as a 1st grader)

(began as a 2nd grader...finished as a 3rd grader)

(coming home from school)

And here's a little extra to make you chuckle.

Darcy took this picture today, during the frantic "quick the bus is about to come" moments of the morning. As he is about to take the picture, the bus pulled up. Brayden and Brooke were so concerned about missing the bus that they could hardly stand it. If you look closely, you can see the camera strap flailing in the bottom of the photo as Darcy rushes to snap the pic...

and the kids faces say it all!

I'm still giggling now.

Summer is here!

Our little Graduate

2011-06-15T19:40:00.002-04:00

This vimeo is primarily for family (it's a tad long)...but a condensed version of Brooke's graduation celebration. It was bittersweet and I had many "teary mommy moments" along the way. Mommy definitely proud. Heartstrings definitely pulled.

And this is how she rolls...

2011-06-14T09:47:00.004-04:00

I have a couple of milestone posts to write about, but sometimes in the midst of these events, I can't help but stop to share some of "everyday life" moments...

Like Berlyn yesterday...

prancing around the house with

(as daddy says) her "coin slot" hanging out.

No care in the world.

Or this morning...

she kept telling me she is "wet, wet!"

and wants her diaper changed,

so I lay her down to change her,

and make a few surprising discoveries of my own.

Toy scissors and a flashlight from her Animal Hospital

found their way down inside each leg of her pj's...

lovin' the giggle and surprise that these kids bring to my everyday.

Taylor Swift Concert

2011-06-13T22:17:00.012-04:00

We have been so busy this past week with kindergarten graduation, afterschool picnics, end of year activities, dance dress rehearsals and recitals, a concert, and family in town (and a stomach virus in the midst of it all!).

I guess I will work my way backwards (more posts to come regarding these other events)...

but for now, let's focus on what we did on Saturday night.

We saw TAYLOR SWIFT in concert!!!!

My sister's family and I took the kids to see Taylor on her Speak Now tour.

We had no idea it would take us almost 2.5 hours to get to FORD Field!

The traffic was absolutely insane

(the last 5 miles or so before getting there took us the longest)

I couldn't have been happier to see that FORD Field sign.

We pretty much missed the entire opening acts

(came in on NEED to BREATHE's last song).

But we made it!

And we didn't miss Taylor's debut

The girls were so excited for the concert to start.

The crowd was full of energy, doing the wave and chanting for Taylor to come on stage.

Here are 2 of the (approximately 50,000) screaming fans!

I don't think Brookie knew quite what to expect.

And then the show began with a bang!

Overall, I was really impressed with her show...

the lights and stage were enchanting and ballroom-esque

and Taylor Swift was on fire, whipping her hair about left and right,

and working the crowd and the stage like a real rockstar.

She was cute and tasteful.

Brooke was clapping and singing along,

at one time standing on her chair and throwing her arms around my neck in happiness.

Everyone was having a good time!

Even in the nosebleed section

(yes, nosebleed...like one row from the tippy top)

we were living it up!

They don't allow professional cameras in the arena, but I did bring our other camera and zoomed in for a few shots throughout the show, (which is why they are a bit blurry)

And this collage below is actually photos I took of the jumbo-tron screen :)

About 2/3 of the way into the show, my little

girl just couldn't stay awake any longer.

She had a dance recital earlier that day and a full week prior to that...

she was sound asleep amidst thousands of screaming fans and fireworks booming.

And once in the car, her cousin Natalie quickly joined her

It was an "enchanting" evening...

one we will never forget.

Etsy find

2011-06-10T17:47:00.003-04:00

Couldn't pass up this Etsy find.

It's itching to be placed in my kitchen

smack dab in the hub of our home

where families gather,

talk, laugh, pray, instill,

listen, learn and love.

where life happens

and memories are made.

Memorial Day Weekend 2011

2011-06-06T16:23:00.002-04:00

This past Memorial Day weekend we were blessed to have both my sisters and their families and my mom come out for the weekend. We had 16 people under one roof! As my sister Emily said, this weekend is going down as one of our "All-time favorites!" Here is a little recap of some of our memories. It was filled with many of my favorite things, doubled over belly laughs, good food and relaxation...all shared with some of my favorites in this world.

memorial day weekend 2011 from Amanda Schrieber on Vimeo.

who woulda thought?

2011-05-22T22:21:00.005-04:00

as a mom, i am amazed by the things i randomly find around our house.

(all moms of boys can appreciate this one...)

apparently, we are breeding zombie aliens in dixie cups

from our very own bathroom.

who woulda thought?

(i find myself hanging onto these little details of our day to day,

knowing that someday too soon

our days of innocent play will long be gone.

legos galore all over the floor,

bey blades spinning at the crack of dawn,

pokemon cards and bakugans picked up once, twice, three, times a day

matchbox cars lined up for miles on carpeted road,

marbles, army men, and power rangers on end tables and stairs...

i'm not annoyed or bothered.

this is my boy.

my one and only.

these are pieces of him.

at hard play.

who will be graduating and off on his own in a blink of an eye.

he still likes to cuddle.

he still calls me mommy.

for now.

i refuse to look past the moment.)

jailhouse dreamer

2011-05-21T22:46:00.003-04:00

a short while after i put berlyn down for her nap today,

i peeked in to find this...

my little jailhouse dreamer

resting peacefully

with piggly wiggly toes hangin' loose and fancy free

rockin' the nap with style.

sweaty and sweet to the core.

Go to bed!

2011-05-20T14:04:00.007-04:00

We've been doing battle with a certain 7 year old boy for quite some time now...

Brayden keeps getting out of his bed at night, from the time I tuck him in around 8:30pm till about 9:30 or 10:00 at night he will not stay in his room. He misses Daddy. He isn't tired. He can't fall asleep. He's scared. He's having bad thoughts, etc. There is always a reason why he can't stay in bed.

We tuck. We pray. We talk. We read. We remind. We pray. We snuggle.

For a while I was letting him come down and sleep on the living room couch until Darcy got home at night. He said he liked it there because it made him feel "more secure." I empathized and allowed it, but come on now...enough is enough. Kids are meant to sleep in their own beds! And going to bed regularly (on a school night) at or after 10:00pm is unacceptable. So, after a couple of good talks with Darcy and I, we made an agreement with him that he is to stay in his own bedroom from now on. Last night Brayden disobeyed and got out of bed one too many times. Again. He knew he was in trouble.

He was sent right back up to his room after he was reprimanded and reminded that his choice disobeyed and disappointed us because we had trusted him to stay in his bed.

When Darcy and I came up to bed later that night, we found Bray sound asleep in his bed, with this note on the floor...

carefully positioned on the floor for us to see.

Melted my heart.

My sensitive guy knew he had done something wrong and was trying to make it better by apologizing. He was attempting to make things right. It might be a little thing. But this is a good thing!

(I was proud of him)

Made me want to wake him up right then and there...

to tuck and pray and snuggle once more.

Pretty please?

2011-05-17T09:36:00.000-04:00

Summer...

Where are you?

Can you come out to play?

Pretty please?

(I'm being patient)

A little of this and that...

2011-05-13T14:46:00.003-04:00

A few have asked for pictures from our anniversary night,

so here are a couple. We didn't get any great photos,

we were too caught up in our fabulous steak dinners and much needed conversation.

It was so nice to have a night out to reconnect with my man.

We talked about so many things...what we've been through and accomplished in the past 10 years...the joys and the lows, the blessings and the losses.

We painted a picture of our hopes and dreams for the next 10 years and what that would look like...what we'd like to accomplish, where we'd like to be, how we'd like to grow. At one point I asked him, "so what can I do better as your wife? Let's talk about where we can both improve." Darcy gave me a look like, "Are you serious?" And then questioned what was really on my mind and if there was something I wanted to tell him. We both agreed we should save that conversation for another night! :) So, we built each other up and just enjoyed one another.

(as well as our steak dinners...did I mention how good they were?)

So," this" was our anniversary...

Let's move onto "that"...

Brayden presented us with this book on our anniversary. He made it previously after interviewing each member of our family and asking us "what we would like if we could get something. "

(world peace and love weren't cutting it for answers...he was looking for material items as answers. Some he made up on his own).

So based on interviews and the personal opinion of Brayden,

what would bring delight to each one of us?

for Mom; shoes!

(I like that they're red! And have heels!)

for Berlyn: her kitty

*this one's my favorite! he took so much time to color each stripe.

for Brooke: money

and for Daddy: a new car!

Now, isn't that just the sweetest?

Ready to move onto a little more of "that?"

Well, the sweetness hasn't been permeating through this household on a regular basis.

We've had an awful lot of whining and complaining too.

One night, the complaining ended with a very upset mama who yelled,

"Enough! You BOTH have homework from ME. You are going to write down 10 things you are thankful for right now!"

And the very next day we took a trip to Target and I let (made) the kids each pick out a spiral notebook that is now their own "Thankfulness Journal."

On day 2 I had them each write down I Thessalonians 5:16-18.

It's a perfect scripture to live by.

Andy gave a great sermon on Mother's Day...one that was convicting enough for me to make some changes within the home. It had me really contemplating "sincere faith" and frankly, I fall short in this area when it comes to my children. There are moments I completely lose my cool and if someone was there witnessing my behavior, I'm certain I'd be embarrassed or ashamed.

Darcy and I talked about this over dinner too. Why is it, that we sometimes give the people we love most in life our leftovers? We have more than enough patience and grace for strangers and friends, but then when it comes to our own family, we aren't always giving them our best. Well, at least I am not always giving them my best.

I'm recognizing this and making intentional efforts to ensure that my kids are learning sincere faith right within our home.

Striving to live and love well...

And determined to enjoy a little of "this and that" in between.